Public play has always been elusive to me. Part of this is because I am afraid of it. I am interested in it and at times have wished I had more courage or more confidence to experience it freely the way it should be. I know myself and know that I would be more worried about what people think than I would be focused on enjoying myself and just being in the moment. That is how I use to be about sex, in general, all the time. I am learning to get better and just let go and enjoy myself but it takes time.
When I started exploring my kinks it was with my first and only Dom. There was a brief relationship with one other guy early on where he tied me up and I think that started my interested. The real play didn’t start until I got together with Sir. We mostly played with impact and D/s and he was very important in helping me realize my submissive self. We talked about public play and the possibility of it. After a brief discussion, we came to the agreement that it was private and we wouldn’t do it. I may have slightly changed my mind at this point.
I am curious about public play. I find myself reading about the different experiences others have had and it makes me wonder if I would be okay in that situation. I have huge trust issues for both the emotional and physical aspects of my submissive self and my kinks. Having been abandoned in the middle of my journey has me a little gun shy. There is such trust needed in those situations and I am hesitant to trust anyone. In a public place, it seems much more vulnerable to me. That doesn’t negate the interest that I have in it.
I think I need to just cowgirl up and go to an event as a spectator and see what it is about. I am sure it is different than my initial impression, especially after reading as much as I have about other experiences. I think just the fact that we call it a “dungeon” is intimidating. Any porn that has a display of BDSM is usually a really dirty gross place that looks like an abandoned warehouse! Dirty mattresses and all! (I know – its porn – enough said!). I know it is different than that and I think actually going to a place where public play is a thing my help me find my comfort level.
That comfort level has to come in my own time. I wish I had something close that I could go to. In my area, the place that I know of is in the city and that requires driving and parking and walking and metro, all things I tend to avoid like the plague! So on top of being nervous about where I am going, I would also be nervous about how I get there. That is for me to maneuver and get over. I have one or two people I could ask to join me and we have talked about it but never followed through. There are a lot of people that have agreed to join me but they want to play and I barely know them which makes me even more nervous. I think I just have to plan and commit to going.
The one experience I had with sex in public was with the guy that tied me up. We were at a park and I, completely sober agreed to have sex with him in the park. I didn’t know it at the time but this park was apparently famous for folks having sex on the picnic tables, in small clearings, etc. At the time, it seemed strange to me. I stepped out of my comfort zone and agreed. Once there and in the moment two people came over to watch. They seemed creepy to me. They also seemed like they wanted to join us and at the time that wasn’t for me. We left and really didn’t talk about it after that. Looking back now that was pretty public and we were playing! Who I am now probably wouldn’t mind that so much. I think about that situation a lot and differently, I would probably handle the same situation now.
Being a little risky in public and going to club for impact play and what other kinks people are into sharing there is a little different. Playing with someone I trust and that I know will take care of me is exciting to me. I hope that someday I have that kind of trust again so I can test the waters. I have to admit I get a little jealous when I read the sexy stories of public play that people are willing to share. Maybe I will get there someday.
Let’s read some other stories about Public Play – click the lips below!