A guy is a guy

This is an interesting prompt and as I read through how others approached it I was intrigued.  Or, maybe I felt bad because I didn’t have the same reaction?  Maybe where I am in my life right now prevents me from thinking outside my own box, I’m not sure.  But when I saw “A guy is a guy”, as the prompt I thought to myself, I have a ton of shit to say about this.  Before I had a chance to write anything I read a few other perspectives and it made me think differently.

Originally, my thought was “a guy IS a guy” totally based on my experience with them and my history. I pick certain people (not just men) for specific reasons.  Or I did in the past.  (Let’s be honest, I haven’t broken any patterns but I am working on it).  All of my lovers have had similar characteristics (regardless if they were male or female) and all of those relationships started the same way.  I supported them through a breakup and we ended up together.  Yeah, I know…

I like specific things in people and I am not going to change that.  I learned that these things are not gender specific.  My spectrum has widened and I’m happy about that but I still like what I like.  I learned quickly when I decided (it was a choice for me) to get into a relationship and eventually marry a woman.  I entered the gay and lesbian community willingly and respectfully.  It didn’t matter to me that I had been with guys, but it mattered to the lesbian friends of my then girlfriend.  I wasn’t gay enough.  Ok, I guess.  I wasn’t going to change and I couldn’t change that I had been with men.  I felt I was more respectful to them then they were to me.

Guy, girl, I understand it could be offensive 

I know the title of the song is offensive to some and I don’t mean to be insensitive to that.  I do think that we take the song for what it is and when it was written and recorded.  Things change, times change, I get it.  What I do think is that this song could have been titled a girl is a girl and we could have run down all the typical characteristics of females.

I have been in both communities as a bi-sexual woman and I feel strongly that characteristics are not gender based.  Yes, there are titles for those.  Titles and labels I don’t like and I actually find offensive.  Labeling people as specific anything is annoying to me.  I was offended at the labels people put on me because of my decisions and choices.  Some say labels are necessary, that we have to identify as something.

When this was an issue for me I was chastised for claiming to be bi-sexual.  My wife was horribly offended.  She wanted me to be a lesbian.  I was asked to label myself and when I did, it wasn’t good enough and it offended her. So what should I have said?  I have never liked labels and I still don’t.  For me or anyone else.  I understand that some feel like they need them and want them and I don’t judge anyone for that.

 

Wicked Wednesday

everydamndayinjune

 

 

6 thoughts on “A guy is a guy

  1. Thank you for giving your view on the prompt, and I am sorry to hear your wife felt offended when you were asked to choose a label. You like people regardless of sex or gender, and I don’t see why you should choose a label for that.

    Rebel xox

    1. I loved the prompt – even more, I loved the perspectives and opinions and conversations it started. I loved how my initial reaction was immediately changed when I read the perspectives of the other. Perspectives that I didn’t think about originally – but was glad and it made me really think about it differently.

  2. I think your view is absolutely fascinating because many (though, clearly, not all) of us have experience with a single gender, and so it’s easy to say, “a guy is a guy” if all we know are guys, and we have the same experiences because we’re stuck in patterns. But seeing it from both sides and seeing that “a girl can be a girl” in their own problematic way adds nuance to a conversation that doesn’t usually get into the subtleties of things.

    1. One of the things I “learned” was that it doesn’t matter what gender you are with, there are always issues. Many of them are the same and gender doesn’t make them better or worse. It was hard for my ex-wife to understand that. I love that I have the experience that allows me to not compare – but realize the issues are rarely gender-related, they are human-related, relationship related, emotionally related, people related.

    1. Thank you. We learn from our experiences and I wouldn’t have missed the 15 years we had together for anything!

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