Grateful

This subject, as most of these subjects, is bittersweet for me.  My gratitude runs deep with this.  As I have mentioned before, I was very late in coming to find my sexual self.  Very sheltered and not aware of what was out there, always thinking I was defective.   Through my writings and directly to him while we were together, I have always openly given all my gratitude to my recent ex-Dom.  Being grateful to him for everything he taught me and shared with me will never diminish or expire.  Thinking about this topic I realize that there is someone else I should recognize as well.  Actually, two people, plus my ex-Dom.

I am grateful to the Airborne Guy

After I had separated from my ex-husband of 19 years, I was truly in a bad place.  I had been with him for 19 years and prior to that, I had lived with my parents.  The first time being completely alone was terrifying.  Prepared with all the skills on finances, money and time management, able to get up for work and understood the importance of working to support my daughter.  Emotionally, I was not prepared at all.

There were really lonely times when my daughter was with her father.  At work, I was in charge of incoming inventory.  The Airborne guy was a regular, every day at around 2:00 pm.  He was nice and sweet and complimentary which was exactly what I needed.  Eventually, he asked me to lunch, and so it went.  Lunch turned into after work dinner etc.

He was much more experienced than I was sexual.  Looking back I can assess now that he was bi-sexual (excuse the labels, he never claimed anything distinctly).  He had had threesomes and talked to me frequently about his experiences.  I was grateful for his honesty and openness.  While it was a bit overwhelming, I appreciated it.  I also started doing my own research.  The internet can be a scary place when you are openly searching for things.  I didn’t know to call it kinks but I saw many different things.  Some were intriguing, others not so much. He ended up being a jerk, married after telling me they were separated, and I ended it.  But I am grateful that he opened my eyes and mind to new things that excited me.

I am full of gratitude to my ex-Dom

I have written a lot about this.  While I loved him as a friend and a man in general, as a Dom I gave him full credit and gratitude for all he shared with me.  Was he a perfect Dom?  No, but I am not sure such a thing exist.  I think you can be perfect for one person but not perfect as a whole.  He made mistakes while he tried to find his way and figure out his stuff.  As a Dom, he could have been better for me, but sexually, he never failed me.

I am grateful that he shared, took time, listened to me and my concerns, asked questions, and always checked in to make sure that I was ok.  Trusting him with my body and soul and to a point, he never let me down.  Perhaps his biggest flaw was he wasn’t consistent.  Not with me, not with his primaries (two other than me), not even with himself.

My ex-Dom opened my mind further and gave me the opportunity to explore the things I was curious about.  He was the first man I never faked an orgasm with because I didn’t have to.  I was able to let go of all, and I do mean all, of my inhibitions.  The noises, the body fat, clearing my mind and being in the moment, he made it all possible. I will be forever grateful to him for that.

Gotta give me a little gratitude!

We can all go through life being grateful to other people for the good they bring in to our lives.  From birth, we are introduced to new people frequently that can open our minds to new things, offer new experiences, and enrich our lives.  It falls on us to be able to see those opportunities and act on them or not.  That is the power of choice.

While I never acted on anything with the Airborne guy other than consenting to be tied up during sex, he opened my mind to many more exciting kinks.  It was my choice to accept these things like possibilities and act on them.  Research them, investigate them, and eventually trust someone to experience them.  There are more kinks that I am interested in I am hopeful that I will find someone that I can trust as much as I did my ex-dom.

I am grateful that I am able to choose, grateful that I have experienced what I have and grateful that I have a will and desire to move forward with what I want.

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everydamndayinjune

 

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