I have been contacted through one of the sites that are geared to BDSM and kink by a Dom asking if I wanted to enter into a D/s relationship with him. This is a different approach for me. I have to be clear that the only D/s relationship I have been in was with my ex and it was based on love and intimacy. We both knew we were both interested in kink. He was much more experienced than me and he was teaching me and exposing me to things I was interested in. There was trust on a friend/lover level before the D/s and kink even started.
I am not familiar with or aware of anyone that has a strictly D/s without a relationship outside the kink. Imagining this is possible and out there, I am curious if anyone can share their perspective on this. To say that I am considering this would be a little premature but I have to admit I am intrigued.
Dating in general –
I was reading Hyacinth’s detail on her dating experiences of late, and can more than relate to her frustration. It is horrible to try and meet people and then have them be reliable or even courteous. I tend to attach younger men which could be flattering. Depending on their agenda there are possible issues in dating younger. Older men can be interested too, but they are mostly looking for caregivers in their golden years. No judgment there but that isn’t exactly what I have in mind.
So, weeding through, swiping left or right, starting the texting and repeating the same things over and over is annoying. A different approach would be nice. Meeting people is difficult and I tend to lean on online dating sites because it is easier and I can do it from my couch. I decided to just take a break for a while, enjoy my summer being with me and my BFF (in the same situation). We have decided to take day trips, drink and bitch, man free.
And then, another different approach
I received an email from a gentleman who says he is a professional Dom. Yeah, I made the same face. I am leary of anyone professing to be a professional anything, especially in this situation. Curious enough, missing my kinks, I entertained an email exchange. In short, he professes to be a traveling Dom. He has a structured way to meet, get to know and learn about his potential subs. Completely organized with forms to fill out and a structured process on the progression of the D/s relationship.
Admittedly, I was impressed by the organization. The forms are well thought out, but could also be found in any BDSM for Dummies book. He listed his likes, dislikes, want to try, will not entertain. There are three forms that are to be filled out and a meeting requirement that starts with “coffee” and ends with a more intimate interview. No sex on the interview, just a chemistry check.
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is
I know this. Curiosity is bitch tho! Aside from the different approach being intriguing, I have had these forms for about a week. Reviewing them over and over again and even starting filling out one of them. I miss my kinks. The struggle to find the full package of a guy I like to spend time with that is also into my kinks and could possibly expose me to more of them is exhausting. Am I looking for a replacement of what I had before? Probably. Will I ever find the perfect situation? No. Being honest, the last situation wasn’t perfect either. I was neglected and ignored and then that was ok. Now, I have learned that I want more.
I am still mourning my D/s relationship and friendship with my ex. Perhaps I am stuck between wanting to replace it with the next best thing, and comparing everyone to him and rejecting them all. I am not sure. I am not stupid about these things but when my heart gets all twisted up – I lose a little perspective. So I am moving slowly and cautiously.
So many thoughts on this approach
I welcome any feedback and feelings on this. Particularly if anyone has entered into a D/s relationship that had a more “contractual” feel to it than personal. Honestly, I don’t’ know if I can actually do this. My only experience in this was built from love and trust. It feels weird to accept it as a business deal. Yes, I would experience my kinks and have that need served, and I could find the emotional stuff elsewhere. Maybe it is ok for the two to be separate?
I see relationships where the D/s and emotional and love is one together. Admittedly, I am jealous of it. Happy for those that have been able to find it and keep it – but jealous of it. Wanting that is fine and settling for less if that is what I want is not an option. I’m hopeful I will find everything I want in one (or two) people. Maybe it is just a matter of time to find what I want, but I can’t deny missing my kinks in a longing sort of way. Making this proposition more appealing. Maybe more appealing than it should be.