Aging

Ugh!  Where do I start on aging??  I am the proverbial teeter toter on this issue.  First, it is just a number, right?  50 is the new 30?  You are only as old as you feel?  Sure, and I agree with all of that.  But somedays I feel really fucking older than my biological age.  Yes, some days I feel younger as well. Some days I feel like I am doing just fine and then some days I realize I will never be able to retire, and I don’t have a will.  So yeah, aging is an issue.

General life stuff

The will, the end of life stuff, all of that needs to be addressed.  I have started those processes even though I don’t think things will happen soon, you never know.  My Mom is extremely organized and even though my actions on this are based more on guilt than duty, I am moving along albeit slowly, to get this stuff done.

Medical appointments are the bain of my existence.  Taking off work for regular appointments makes me mad.  Doctors don’t always have evening hours so it is a hassle, but I am working on those too.  There are things that need to be checked out that are outside the annual visits and I’m working on those too.

Just in general taking better care of myself and trying to do healthy things.  I push myself to stay active.  Again, guilt from Mom who walks six miles a day practices yoga twice a week and works out at the gym three days a week.  I hope I am genetically blessed with her imprint but I fear I take after my father more so I could be in trouble.

The physical appearance stuff

Ugh!  The wrinkles, the hairs on my face, the eternal fight with weight issues.  It is ongoing and eternal but I think I have a good perspective on it.  It is a balance for sure.  Some days I feel good about myself and walk around in a ponytail and no makeup and chat with the neighbors completely carefree.  Other times, I spend a paycheck in makeup and wrinkle creams and researching body sculpting procedures.  It is all about balance, right?

The sexual stuff and aging

I came to know my sexuality very late in life.  I use to think this was rare, but I am learning it isn’t which makes me feel better.  Finding it late is better than never finding it at all.  I have been approached by a lot of younger guys.  Usually in their 30’s.  I like that it is a compliment to me.  Even though most of them probably just want to fuck, it is still flattering.

The age difference is probably not noticeable in sex – I think the same issues and rules apply regardless of age.  The issue could come in more in the social aspect of things.  Just one example – I do not want to hang out at bars and get drunk and stupid.  I don’t take selfies of me with an oversized alcoholic drink in my hands.  No judgment to those that do – it just isn’t my thing.  I have had enough drama in my life so I try to limit that as well.

In a D/s situation and aging – I don’t think there is a difference.  Some with experience has scared the fuck out of me and others new to the idea is super cautious and appropriate.  So that doesn’t bother me as much as just not being attracted to older men.

Most days I am ok with aging

There is a type of freedom and independence that comes with again.  You care less about the things that you stress about in your 20’s and 30’s.  I am 54.  I am okay with it.  My concerns now are more financial and prepping for the future.  I would like to retire, but I’ll probably be working right up to the day before my funeral.

Companionship has become an issue for me.  I miss being in a relationship and I miss my D/s relationship.  Both of these are possible at my age although it is a pain in the ass trying to meet people.  I love my independence and living alone.  Having someone to go out with and have a good time with would be nice.  I want someone to worry about me, to call when the day is bad, and to lean on when I need it.  I am also a giver so I miss having someone to take care of and do things for.

The guy I am very casually seeing now is floored by the things I say and do because he has never had someone willing to make dinner instead of going out to eat.  He isn’t used to being complimented on his work or wanting someone to talk about his work and how he does it.  All the things that come, I think, with age and experience.  Some things are just not important to me now as they were when I was younger.

Aging doesn’t have to be scary.  I am trying to learn how to embrase it – some days are better than others!

 

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6 thoughts on “Aging

  1. You’ve hit lots of the points I consider when it comes to aging. Though I am married, I still worry about health and the future, a will, retirement, and not being a burden to my child. With sex, I worry more about libido crashing my fun ship.

    It’s good to hear you are casually dating someone. I think a lot of men prefer older women because they are often past the drama, are more self-sufficient, and they know what they want. Good luck, and have fun!

  2. Age, and the way people discuss their experience(s) of aging… It’s often both a Huge Thing and not a thing at all.

    So much depends on context, I think. And recognizing that ‘older’ does not automatically equate to ‘more mature’.

    I’m curious about your statement that you’re “just not attracted to older men.” Why is that, do you think? And what does ‘older men’ mean for you?

    1. It is a huge thing and not a thing… I waver back and forth frequently. Some days are better than others. As to not being attracted to older men, I don’t really know. I can say that I am open-minded enough not to turn down someone because of “age” it is more the age they “feel” and “portray”. Most of the older guys that have contacted me (on dating sites) are looking for care takers. They are reaching a point in their lives where they are looking to settle down and grow old together. That isn’t me. Not that I am wild and crazy but I want to be active and young at heart more than just be in a relationship to take care of someone or have them take care of me. But if the chemistry is there, I really don’t care what age they are. Those that have approached me recently have just been about not wanting to live alone and I haven’t found someone that makes a spark that is older. I don’t believe I want to live with anyone again, join property, etc. That may change with the right person, but most of the older men (so far) start off talking about moving in together or me helping to raise their kids or grandkids. Nothing wrong with that, but it just isn’t where I am right now. On the flip side, dating younger has its draw backs as well. I think it is more a chemistry thing than an age thing. My ex and I were instantly in sync and we had great chemistry in all aspects of our lives. He was 17 years younger. I could have soemthing to do with trying to replace him, or find that again and associating it with his age?? I am not sure. Good question though and made me think about it more.

  3. Interesting observation about replacing your ex.

    I totally ‘get’ not wanting to be a care-taker or step into a pre-made role/position as housing partner or parent/nurturer. ‘Older’ means different things to different people; in this case it seems you are referring to men your own age or older as being Not For You, because of the multiple suitcases of familial baggage (and related expectations) they are likely to board the relationship train with.

    I have no interest in men my own age or with caretaking expectations either, but my relationship preferences for ‘older’ skew opposite yours: my husband is 16 years older than me, and my ancillary partner is 13 years older. 🙂

  4. It is interesting because I really don’t think of age as a number but more of a “place you are in your life”. When I say older (as of recent) I think it is because those that are “older” that have reached out or approached me are in the stage of their life where they want to coast to their inevitable death. I know that sounds awful. One gentleman told me that he wanted someone to take care of his kids and animals when he passes. Maybe he isn’t passing soon – but it was an odd approach! I hope to just find someone compatible with me. And yes, it is interesting that I could perhaps be looking for a replacement of my ex. Younger, motorcycles, musician, dark, bad boy of sorts. Something to think about for sure.

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