Ugh! Where do I start on aging?? I am the proverbial teeter toter on this issue. First, it is just a number, right? 50 is the new 30? You are only as old as you feel? Sure, and I agree with all of that. But somedays I feel really fucking older than my biological age. Yes, some days I feel younger as well. Some days I feel like I am doing just fine and then some days I realize I will never be able to retire, and I don’t have a will. So yeah, aging is an issue.
General life stuff
The will, the end of life stuff, all of that needs to be addressed. I have started those processes even though I don’t think things will happen soon, you never know. My Mom is extremely organized and even though my actions on this are based more on guilt than duty, I am moving along albeit slowly, to get this stuff done.
Medical appointments are the bain of my existence. Taking off work for regular appointments makes me mad. Doctors don’t always have evening hours so it is a hassle, but I am working on those too. There are things that need to be checked out that are outside the annual visits and I’m working on those too.
Just in general taking better care of myself and trying to do healthy things. I push myself to stay active. Again, guilt from Mom who walks six miles a day practices yoga twice a week and works out at the gym three days a week. I hope I am genetically blessed with her imprint but I fear I take after my father more so I could be in trouble.
The physical appearance stuff
Ugh! The wrinkles, the hairs on my face, the eternal fight with weight issues. It is ongoing and eternal but I think I have a good perspective on it. It is a balance for sure. Some days I feel good about myself and walk around in a ponytail and no makeup and chat with the neighbors completely carefree. Other times, I spend a paycheck in makeup and wrinkle creams and researching body sculpting procedures. It is all about balance, right?
The sexual stuff and aging
I came to know my sexuality very late in life. I use to think this was rare, but I am learning it isn’t which makes me feel better. Finding it late is better than never finding it at all. I have been approached by a lot of younger guys. Usually in their 30’s. I like that it is a compliment to me. Even though most of them probably just want to fuck, it is still flattering.
The age difference is probably not noticeable in sex – I think the same issues and rules apply regardless of age. The issue could come in more in the social aspect of things. Just one example – I do not want to hang out at bars and get drunk and stupid. I don’t take selfies of me with an oversized alcoholic drink in my hands. No judgment to those that do – it just isn’t my thing. I have had enough drama in my life so I try to limit that as well.
In a D/s situation and aging – I don’t think there is a difference. Some with experience has scared the fuck out of me and others new to the idea is super cautious and appropriate. So that doesn’t bother me as much as just not being attracted to older men.
Most days I am ok with aging
There is a type of freedom and independence that comes with again. You care less about the things that you stress about in your 20’s and 30’s. I am 54. I am okay with it. My concerns now are more financial and prepping for the future. I would like to retire, but I’ll probably be working right up to the day before my funeral.
Companionship has become an issue for me. I miss being in a relationship and I miss my D/s relationship. Both of these are possible at my age although it is a pain in the ass trying to meet people. I love my independence and living alone. Having someone to go out with and have a good time with would be nice. I want someone to worry about me, to call when the day is bad, and to lean on when I need it. I am also a giver so I miss having someone to take care of and do things for.
The guy I am very casually seeing now is floored by the things I say and do because he has never had someone willing to make dinner instead of going out to eat. He isn’t used to being complimented on his work or wanting someone to talk about his work and how he does it. All the things that come, I think, with age and experience. Some things are just not important to me now as they were when I was younger.
Aging doesn’t have to be scary. I am trying to learn how to embrase it – some days are better than others!