I don’t know that when I talk about my “turn-ons” it is a simple list. Being late in life finder of my sexuality that new things I have found I enjoy come to mind first. The kinky things! Impact play, submission, candle play, etc. Even that list is an ever-evolving one. However, I think there is so much more to get myself to that point. That list is also an ever-evolving list. So let’s go with that latter first.
I like the eyes! Doesn’t matter the color. I know that blue eyes usually get all the attention but for me, it is just eyes. I am not sure that I buy the whole “eyes are the path to the sole” kind of thing but I do know that I love looking people in the eyes directly. It is something that makes a lot of people uncomfortable. For me, it is a turn-on. I can’t even say that when I look someone in the eyes that I can tell if they are lying or telling the truth. The connection I get when I lock eye contact with someone is intoxicating. Also, I have learned that if people are not comfortable with direct eye contact, it makes me wonder why.
Give me a smile! I just like it when people smile. A smile says a lot about people. Also, I think there are many different kinds of smiles. A sly smile, sexy smile, sarcastic smile, they are all turn-ons for me. Of course, there is that smile that says sexy stuff is about to happen. Smiles say a lot.
Physical characteristics are important. I know that some people have types they are attracted to. So do I. What attracts people on the surface, that initial attraction is important. I have some scars by the thought of this though. I don’t know how many times I heard “you’re so nice, you’d be a perfect girlfriend if you would just lose some weight.” “You have such a beautiful face and great personality if you would just lose some weight.” I get it now but I didn’t get it then, that people are attracted to specific things. Now, some of the people that said those things were in fact, just jerks. Definitely not a turn-on.
After the physical attraction.
Ok, so you are attracted to a person because of what they present up front. The eyes and smiles will get my attention but there is so much more to people. The sad part is that sometimes we don’t give people a chance when that physical part isn’t initially prominent. Sometimes you just aren’t into people and that makes sense. Even more, it is ok. I believe there are justified ways to handle that situation. I think a lot of people could use some practice in that area. Considering kindness is a turn-on.
Aside from the eyes and smiles, the sense of humor is important. Be kind, be respectful, be open-minded. Look for more than the physical characteristics. Get to know me and then decide. I will do the same. Taking the time to get to know someone is very sexy and a turn-on. Appreciate the benefit to the build-up to becoming intimate. There is no diagram or specific instruction manual available to this. We like who we like, fall in love with who we fall in love with. Again, the key is to be kind in the process.
The sexual kinky stuff.
If I listed these and elaborated on each and every kink this post would go on forever. It is also an ever-evolving list for me. Being new to finding my kinks have been fun, but also it has been a constant work in process that isn’t always easy. Finding new kinks that I am interested in can be scary. Particularly when you are single, submissive and missing what you had before. I had a Dom I trusted and when I was curious I was able to ask questions. To have discussions about what I was interested in. Not having that now makes me feel slightly limited.
Since becoming a single submissive and venturing out to meet other kinky people and other Doms, a new potential situation has presented itself. That of having a Dom without the emotional connection. This is new to me, and scary as well. I don’t want to misrepresent myself. There have been people I have had sex with that I wasn’t necessarily into or thought there would be a potential relationship down the road. I don’t mind having casual hookups. Or I didn’t before I had a Dom that I was emotionally attached to. And, let’s face it, kinky stuff is a little harder to be casual about. At least for me.
Obviously, trust is important in any relationship but it is no secret that with kinky sex it takes on a different meaning altogether. I have been approached on two occasions from Doms that are willing to take me on as a sub. That’s nice. Or is it? I have pulled away from this because I can’t trust my submissiveness to just anyone. I think it is a good golden rule, at least for me.
Emotional turn-ons versus kinky turn-ons
I get emotional emotionally vested fairly quickly. At least I use to. I have become quite guarded recently after feeling betrayed by my ex-Dom, who was also a friend. So trust is a touchy thing for me. This is new for me and I am struggling with it. I have become resistant to getting emotionally involved. However, I am not completely closed off to it. So, this makes it difficult when I also don’t want to submit to just anyone but am also emotionally guarded. I’m working on that one.
I miss the kinky aspect of my life and it is a hard thing to control the need and want for it and the caution and guarded nature I have developed. I am not giving up on it because it is incredibly important to me that I have that in my life. Once you find it, it is hard to let go of it.
Impact play – This is a broad range. I have experienced paddles, crops, belts, hands, floggers and I enjoy them all. Impact of any kind. The sting or the thud followed up by a soothing hand is amazing to me. I like the bruises and marks that this type of kink leaves on me. I like to be able to see and feel the results one or two days later as a reminder of the scene. A definite on the list of turn-ons!
Bondage – Another broad range. I haven’t experienced a lot of this, but what I have experienced was a huge turn on for me. I like the feel of not being able to move away from what is uncomfortable, or so pleasing it is almost too much. Down the road, I hope I have the opportunity to delve a little deeper into the different kinds of rope play and bondage that I have seen and heard about. Looking forward to these new turn-ons.
Submission – These are in no specific order, but if they were I think this would be the top of the list. I have always been submissive but it wasn’t until I met my ex-Dom that I truly understood what this meant and could put a name to it. It is my core – everything seems to stem from this part of me. Being submissive is my primary turn-on!
Words – I am a sucker for words! Whispered, in my ear. “Good Girl” is the key – again because of my submissive nature, I love hearing that I have done well, and pleased. Dirty talk, dirty words, dirty names… I like that too! It makes me very hot and bothered in all the good ways. The turn-ons that come from language is more than tangible for me.
Reading other writers smutty and kinky stories and experiences. – This is something that I love to do. Whether I am reading alone or sharing with others I love getting wet and hot and bothered by someone else’s words and experiences.
Evolving and Changing – its all good turn-ons
Turn-ons are various and always evolving and changing. I like that part. Finding a new turn-on, something you didn’t expect is exciting. It keeps things interesting. It is also fun for me to find new ways to get my partner turned on. There is something about the expression of someone when you have pushed a button they weren’t aware of that is intoxicating! New turn-ons mixed with the old ones leave you open for variety and change. It keeps things from getting stale and boring. That is definitely a good thing!