The last day of February Photofest 2019. This was an amazing experience for me. I have to admit I was terrified and had no idea if I would survive, or even finish it. I wouldn’t have seen this through the 28 days without the support of this amazing community! More than the experience of this special growth I have realized (most unexpected) was reading others words, and experiencing others thoughts and feelings and the beauty in the photos that everyone shared. I still have a long way to go, but this has started a growth and a change of perspective, on my inner self and my body image. Here’s to continuing the growth!
For 27 days of posting photos, I had the intention of posting my most exposing, most provocative, most sensual photo on the last day. I took a lot of photos that never made the cut and there were a few that I was saving for the last day. Today, going through the photos, I saw this one. This was from the “photo shoot” with my daughter. We took A LOT of pictures that day. The experience was daunting for me. I was nervous for various reasons. The one thing I wasn’t nervous about was doing this with my daughter. She was so excited and had so many ideas. Most of all, she was so supportive and open with me. It was such a wonderful, bonding experience. Pretty sure she has a career in taking body positive photos with her phone in her future.
It makes me happy that she and I have the kind of relationship that this is what we do, and this what we share. I have a good bit of guilt, as most parents do about a lot of her childhood. One thing that stands out is, while I never let my weight stop me from doing anything (mostly) I was always talking about it, obsessed about it, changing clothes a thousand times in one day, stressing over this or that… in front of her. It wasn’t until I started noticing her reaction to weight-related issues that I realized I needed to do better. It didn’t change how I felt about it, but I needed to do better in front of her.
This photo struck me this morning because I am smiling. I am sitting in the fucking snow, half-naked, slightly exposed, and yes, cold! The smile is probably the most genuine smile I have seen from me in a very long time. That smile, generated from a combination of what I would normally consider undesirable circumstances, was true and honest. I could review the past five years and see there are very few smiles. Genuine or not. It is nice to see myself smile. For that reason, I share this photo on the 28th day of February Photofest 2019. I believe it truly is my most sensual photo of the 28 days.
Thank you to everyone for your comments and support and for sharing yourselves with each other. Thank you Molly for your efforts in setting this up and allow all of us to share ourselves with each other. This was a wonderful “first” for me and I look forward to the years to follow.
And thank you to this girl, for the little notes you leave me, always being there, for being my best friend, my biggest supporter, my constant reality check on all things life. I am grateful for your life – always!
Click the kiss for more photos by amazing folks!