I may have created a monster! I told my daughter and her girlfriend about the Photofest and they were very excited and happy for me that I was taking this leap of courage. So, I asked them to help with some of the photos so they won’t all be selfies. Today, we did a little photo shoot! It snowed here recently, so we decided that some pics outside would be interesting and different. There are soooo many photos! My daughter took them and she was very excited. We did different poses and different setups. I was in nothing but a robe. Did I mention I hate snow and hate being cold? We had a good time and aside from trying to keep the dog out of the picture, I think it was pretty successful. We took them on my phone and when we were done, she edited them and did her thing to make me look as good as it gets. I let her decide which one I would post today. This was her choice.
When I look at this (even before it was edited) I thought I looked ok. I instantly started picking it apart. I wish my hair had been a little better placed, I see the place in my cheek that looks like a wrinkle or “bag”. I think the robe looks fluffy, but I know it is because I am thick. Then I changed my perspective just a little. My hair is ok – not perfect, but it never is. That little wrinkle or bag is what it is. It could be a shadow or the angle, etc. The expression on my face… that is where it changed. Yes, I was posing for a picture and yes, my breast is showing and yes, I was cold, in the back yard wondering if my neighbors were watching. (This would not be a surprise even if I wasn’t in nothing but a robe). Of all the pictures we took, this is probably the most covered I was in all of them. Here is the main thing… I knew what I was thinking at the time this picture was taken. With all the insecurities and worries of neighbors and such, I was thinking how cute my daughter was that she was a part of this and so excited to be taking these pictures. She had ideas and was out there in the snow with me. That was the coolest part.
I have a long way to go before I will look at my body and not pick apart all the things that in my eyes are wrong or need fixing or I hate but have to accept. But, what this picture shows me is that I did something kind of brave and my kid was right there with me.