When I started this blog I wasn’t sure what I wanted it to be. I knew I wanted to start getting my writing out there, somewhere but wasn’t sure what to do with it. It was a previous Dom that suggested I write smutty things. He knew I loved to write about all different things. He was basing his suggestions on my text and letters to him and how I worded things to him and for him. I giggled at the thought. Mainly because those words were his. They were for him. They came from a place that I kept just from him. He brought out those thoughts and ideas from me. When I started the blog we were still together. Things have changed and that left me reeling.
The majority of my posts, in the beginning, were about him and our experiences. I enjoyed writing about what we had done together. I also enjoyed writing about how it was him that gave me the freedom to be the woman I become. Sexual. Happy. Orgasming. Unashamed. Free. He opened opportunities I never would have had without him. Then he left. My posts changed. They were sad. Full of regret and loss. I read them now and even I feel sorry for that woman in the posts. I am glad I wrote them. I still have stories and emotions that relate to him and I will still write about those emotions and him. It is what I do. It is healing for me to express how his leaving made me feel. I realized however that I needed to move on. If I was going to write a blog at some point I would need to be a little less sad or become known as the pitiful sad woman that writes about her past BDSM experiences while she cries the whole time. Not the picture I would want to paint on myself permanently.
I started looking at other blogs. Reading them. Looking at how they were set up. Then the websites. How were they set up, sectioned off, etc I listened to podcasts of all kinds to see if that was an avenue I would ever want to go. Then I got hit in the stomach with the worst feeling ever. I am a freaking stalker. I loved everything I saw. I started making notes and drawing the websites out on paper. It hit me that I was copying what I had seen. This can’t be right. There were probably copyright rules that I was about to break. Plagiarism rules I was about to break. Let the freak out begin.
Then I had a drink, Redemption Whiskey I believe, and relaxed a little. The community I followed on Twitter was very supportive. While I was new to the crowd, they didn’t make me feel that way. I had been listening to Loving BDSM podcast and remembered they encouraged researching others blogs. That knowledge and the whiskey was enough to make me see the good of what I considered by stalking. So let’s focus on the positives.
- You have to start somewhere – Looking at what other people are doing is a way to find out what you want to do. Or what you don’t want to do. (This was reinforced by Loving BDSM, which has become my gospel). There is a way to take from others without breaking any laws and intern making it your own.
- Learn as you go – I usually refer o this as learning the hard way. You have to keep trying and your site or blog can change from time to time. This is also growing.
- Creating good habits – watching what others do and whether they are successful or not is subjective. What I noticed were habits. Writing habits. Content habits. Rituals. Consistency in writing and when. All good habits that could only lead to learning.
So that is just a short list of things that came through as positives. There are many more I am sure I am forgetting. I am also sure there are positives I don’t even know about yet, but being open to the learning is what is important.
To be equal and fair, the negatives I saw were not as many, but there were a few. I decided to change them into positives, but I had to analyze them first.
- Idea influences – There are times I think I have an original thought and then open Twitter or a blog or listen to a podcast and think, “nope, not so original”. In the beginning, it was frustrating. I thought I must not have that much new to say or write about. Then I realized that to turn that negative to a positive was to think, “I have so much in common with some of these people.” I realized I could write about the same things, but from my perspective. I may not agree with everything and maybe I have a different spin. Win!
- Plagiarism – There it is again. I know this seems like an obsession of mine but I would never want to steal someone else’s ideas and claim them as mine. It was a huge issue for me. Then I realized that this was not a new thing. There was something already in place to make sure this didn’t happen. “Linking”. What a wonderful invention. If I am writing something based on something that I read or saw elsewhere, I could link to that piece of work and give credit where credit is due. Another win! Of course, this is not rocket science and I don’t have to create a new process to stay true. Giving credit is important to me. Linking and if not linking, mentioning where my thoughts came from is a simple solution. A little more whiskey wouldn’t hurt though.
Building from other ideas is also a good way to get your words out there. It happens organically all the time. In a conversation at work, at a bar, at the gym. You can overhear something that will set your own mind in first gear and your off on your own. Expressing your own opinions and perspectives after reading something elsewhere is normal. So embrace it. Link, give credit and embrace it.
Bottom line, learning from others is always a good thing. I managed to turn my negatives into positives so there are no negatives. Well, if you follow the rules! One thing that is repeated over and over when I search for reasons to read other’s work is that what you are getting from others, others will get from you. It would be egotistical to think that I am the last person on earth to start blogging about sexy smutty stuff, or anything else for that matter. I didn’t pave the way, but I also help clear a path for others coming after me. It is a good thing.
Bottom line is, if you are writing, that is what matters. Be open to advise and constructive criticism. Be open with your words and be open with your perspective.
I wanted to link to all the blogs that I enjoy, but there are too many and I would definitely forget someone which would be one of those Redemption Whiskey moments. So get out there and start reading, listening and writing. Find the ones that speak to you. I know that is annoying because I wanted a list of people I “should” follow. That list doesn’t exist yet. You will create it as you go.