I struggle with a title “mature”. I don’t feel old, so calling myself old doesn’t feel right. Calling myself mature reminds me of how people explain women that are older so basically the same thing. It sucks really. I am in my early 50’s. They say that 50 is the new 40 but to be honest, I don’t feel 40 either. That still seems older than I feel. Most days anyway.
Most of my friends are in their 30’s. This wasn’t really by design, just how it ended up. I have changed careers (multiple times, always the late bloomer in decisions of what I want to be when I grow up) and most of the people that I work with tend to be in their 30’s. What I have also noticed is that those older, or my age, I struggle with because there tends to be a lot of talk about what ails them. I remember one dinner party sitting in the living room with friends and everyone talking about their bad knees, body aches and menopause. Yes, we spent an entire evening discussing these things. It was grueling.
In general, living my life, I am active. I go to the gym, I love to kayak, SUP, hike, swim. There are women my age and older that can run circles around me. My Mom is 80 and walks 6 miles a day, does yoga every week and goes to the gym three times a week. She doesn’t count, she is a freak of nature. I am thankful for the good genes tho. There will always be varying levels of activity and ability. It truly is a state of mind. Age is just a number. I firmly believe that.
Much is the same with sex. With my previous Dom who was 35 (29 when we started spending time together). I felt younger than my age and sexier than I had my entire life. He brought me into this kinky life and opened up thoughts and desires that I had no idea existed. We had many discussions about our age difference. Most of them stemmed from me being self conscious about my age and whether I was worthy of his time and attention. How my body was changing and what part of that was attributed to age. Also, shock that he, a very handsome man at the age of 35 would want anything to do with me. I knew he had other interest in younger women so I was often puzzled at why he wanted to spend time with me. The older woman. There were even other people who said to my face they knew he and I were just friends because he would never be interested in me because of my age. People suck but it did leave a lasting mark on my self esteem. To his credit, he always admired my body. He preferred me naked as opposed to in lingerie that he knew I didn’t feel good in. He like my curves. He liked my imperfections. He never expected perfect. He never made me feel like I needed to be perfect. He told me I was perfect for him. He wouldn’t have been with me if he wasn’t pleased with me. He only guided me to change on the things I made clear I wasn’t happy with.
It is easy at a more advanced age (see… there is just no good way to classify it) to take what we can get. This could mean any person that pays attention to us. Any friend that will spend time with us whether it is a healthy relationship or not. Yes, anyone that offers the kink we want, the dominance we want, the experiences we want, regardless if it is healthy and safe. I’ve been approached by a few “Doms” that have read my blog, can see I am newly single and that I am sad and struggling. Offering to save me, show me what a real Dom is like, make me forget him by whipping me until I know longer remember his soft touch. Let me clear. Sad and struggling does not equal desperate! I hope all women, regardless their age, are able to recognize this. If not immediately, eventually.
I am working hard to remind myself that age is a number. How we feel is what is important. In any aspect. Activity, health, the company we keep, the work we do, and yes, even kink. Do not discount us because we are not in our 30’s and our bodies are different. Our bodies have been around longer. We have a right to brag about the wrinkles and laugh lines, the grey hairs, the slightly sagging neck and arm skin, the scars from child birth. These are badges of honor that we should all celebrate. It is a choice to try and improve or change them. I do! I don’t think there is wrinkle cream I haven’t tried. My gym workouts focus on the flapping arm skin and this stomach that just won’t go away. (Younger mothers say it is there baby pouch. My kid is 23. My pouch is from pizza, soda and cans of icing I eat with a spoon like ice cream). It is a choice to focus on these things. It is choice not to.
We are not desperate. We do not have to accept whatever comes our way. We will and can find what we need. We have the knowledge and maturity to wait for what is right. I admit when my Dom first left me I was sure I would never find that kind of love again. I may not. That is also my choice. My choice to allow someone to get close enough again. It is all about choices. We have them. Just like any other person of any age, gender, preference, orientation, desire.
Mature women. Older women. Advanced aged women…
We all like sex too!