Have you ever felt a drop after kinky play?
I have. We didn’t have huge long scenes often. Our timing was difficult. I remember the scene and I remember being so focused on my body. More so than ever before. I wasn’t worried about the way my body looked, the fat moving around, none of the normal things. I was so focused on what was being done and how my body was responding. When it was over, I fell apart emotionally. It was a couple of days before I was back to normal. It was a strange feeling of pride, sadness, longing, missing him, needing him, not knowing what to do with myself, confusion, clarity, etc. I was a hot mess and I didn’t realize why. Our situation made it difficult for him to take care of me how he would like and how I needed him to. We didn’t plan for it and since I didn’t know what was happening, I didn’t know what to do or ask for. I didn’t talk to him about it because I didn’t want to bother him. Knowing now, what that was is a comfort that I wasn’t losing my mind. Not having him anymore makes me almost wish I could feel it again and to have that experience again. Hopefully I will again soon, and hopefully, it will be a situation that it can be handled differently. Knowledge is power.
Can you come up with some ways you might help yourself or your partner through it?
I want to make sure that if it happens again I am prepared. I have to say in a strange way I didn’t mind going through it. I wish I had known more back then and could have processed it for what it was. The other perspective is that I spend 95% of my time hiding my feelings and emotions. I rarely let people see what is truly going on, even though, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Contradiction? Yes. I will tell anyone what they want to know, and I am an open book. But I rarely tell you how deeply I feel about things. Sub-drop allowed me to feel everything and took my power of masking everything away. If it happens again, I hope that I can process it through with my Dom and get the care I need. I’m not sure how that will look but I know I will need more aftercare than my last situation allowed. That isn’t a statement on him, but on me and what I am willing to accept and need to ask for, require. It is rare for me to allow myself to be so open about my pain, physical and emotional.
Thoughts provoked by Loving BDSM