Have you ever felt a drop after kinky play?
I have. We didn’t have huge long scenes often. Our timing was difficult. I remember the scene and I remember being so focused on my body. More so than ever before. I wasn’t worried about the way my body looked, the fat moving around, none of the normal things. I was so focused on what was being done and how my body was responding. When it was over, I feel apart emotionally. It was a couple of days before I was back to normal. It was a strange feeling of pride, sadness, longing, missing him, needing him, not knowing what to do with myself, confusion, clarity, etc. I was a hot mess and I didn’t realize why. Our situation made it difficult for him to take care of me how he would like and how I needed him to. We didn’t plan for it and since I didn’t know what was happening, I didn’t know what to do or ask for. I didn’t talk to him about it because I didn’t want to bother him. Knowing now, what that was is a comfort that I wasn’t losing my mind. Not having him anymore makes me almost wish I could feel it again and to have that experience again. Hopefully I will again soon, and hopefully it will be a situation that it can be handled differently. Knowledge is power.
Can you come up with some ways you might help yourself or your partner through it?
I want to make sure that if it happens again I am prepared. I have to say in a strange way I didn’t mind going through it. I wish I had known more back then and could have processed it for what it was. The other perspective is that I spend 95% of my time hiding my feelings and emotions. I rarely let people see what is truly going on, even though, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Contradiction? Yes. I will tell anyone what they want to know, and I am an open book. But I rarely tell you how deeply I feel about things. Sub-drop allowed me to feel everything and took my power of masking everything away. If it happens again, I hope that I can process it through with my Dom and get the care I need. I’m not sure how that will look but I know I will need more after care than my last situation allowed. That isn’t a statement on him, but on me and what I am willing to accept and need to ask for, require. It is a rare for me to allow myself to be so open about my pain, physical and emotional.
Thoughts provoked by Loving BDSM