D/s without sex??

Have you ever considered D/s without a sexual component?

Woah!  Nope!  Admittedly, with sex is the only D/s I have known or heard about, but recent research has shown there is more to it than the norm.  (Go figure).  Although with my current situation it feels like D/s with no sex and most of the times, no D/s.

Would you be interested in something like it?

You know… maybe.  I’ve been so caught up in my current situation with my current Dom that I never really think about anything other than fixing what is wrong “currently”.  But… I like being submissive and I like serving so I am curious if I would like a situation where sex was not a factor.  Trying to figure out what that would look like is a little strange.  Would it be just service without any kink at all?  Kink without sex?  I don’t know.  The play and impact play that I like usually REALLY has me wanting sex too.  It is something to think about.

How important is sex to your current or future D/s relationship?

Sex is important to me.  Several levels and several reasons why this is so.

  • I am older (53). I was very late to realize what I liked and what turns me on.  It took a long time to get here.  A long time of suppressed feelings and wants.  Being older and finding this out late in life makes me feel anxious about postponing or waiting.  I feel a different biological clock ticking.  I have good genes, but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to sustain the style of sex I want and have come to enjoy.  Playing with a 35-year-old Dom, I’m not sure he sees my perspective all the time.  He is craving kids and hears his biological clock ticking but for different reasons.  It is complicated.
  • I played for both teams because at some point my dislike or disinterest in sex made me think I preferred women. Thought I had answered all my questions.  But I hadn’t.  Something was still missing.  After years of convincing myself, there was something wrong with me, I revisited my interest in Kink and BDSM.  (I had shared my interest with a potential boyfriend after separating from an ex-husband.  I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore, he violently raped me.  The whole time saying, “this is what you said you liked!” After I escaped, and the ordeal was over, I put aside my interest in kink and had serious trust issues with sharing that part of me with anyone).  I truly believe I have found my place so letting go of it now is difficult.  Sex is fun now (when I have it) and my Dom is very good at knowing what I like and need.  Although he is not in a good place right now, it is still something I want to hang on to.  I know anyone who has been following this has probably been screaming at the screen for me to move on.  But my current Dom was the first person I ever told about what happened to me.  Even my family didn’t know.  I went through the entire thing alone.  Partially because I was embarrassed I let someone that close, and partially because back then, BDSM and Kink were way less excepted or understood.  I knew that going public would destroy my family.  So, I went through everything alone.  The ordeal, the police reports, the court hearing, and trials.  All of it alone.  It wasn’t until I met my Dom that he made me feel safe enough to talk about it and share what I had been through.  Then he helped me feel ok about wanting and liking what I do.  Again, it is complicated.  Finding someone to trust again is hard for me.  But, maybe letting go of what I have discovered this far is harder.

Everything felt strange and new and exciting and scary… and then it went away.  I usually run from some of the emotions I feel.  I tend to be marinating in them with no way out.  I picture what close to perfect will be, but I just can’t get there.  Is it wrong to depend on sex and the kind of sex I like for the kind of relationship I want?  Could I have the relationship I want and not care about sex again?  So many questions.  So hard to figure out alone.

 

 Thoughts provoked by Loving BDSM

 

7 thoughts on “D/s without sex??

  1. Thank you! And that is a good point. If my Dom and I were more consistent I’m sure I’d be able to pull some things out that are in the D/s realm and are not sexual. When we have been together there are video games, and cooking and working on cars. You’re right, the rules still apply. Thanks for the perspective.

  2. Thank you for sharing! What I’ve found….after suppressing my true desires for a long time…is that it is never too late to start on this journey. I look forward to reading more 🙂

    1. Thank you so much! Feels weird to be so open but its helping and that is why I started the blog. I needed to get some of this out and it helps to have others in my corner, who understand what I’m going through. Thanks for the kind words!

  3. It can be hard to ‘separate’ it, as so much of the sex and desire are intertwined with the raw emotion of D/s. Yet there I something about D/s which is pure emotion, nothing physical.

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