Have you ever considered D/s without a sexual component?
Woah! Nope! Admittedly, with sex is the only D/s I have known or heard about, but recent research has shown there is more to it than the norm. (Go figure). Although with my current situation it feels like D/s with no sex and most of the times, no D/s.
Would you be interested in something like it?
You know… maybe. I’ve been so caught up in my current situation with my current Dom that I never really think about anything other than fixing what is wrong “currently”. But… I like being submissive and I like serving so I am curious if I would like a situation where sex was not a factor. Trying to figure out what that would look like is a little strange. Would it be just service without any kink at all? Kink without sex? I don’t know. The play and impact play that I like usually REALLY has me wanting sex too. It is something to think about.
How important is sex to your current or future D/s relationship?
Sex is important to me. Several levels and several reasons why this is so.
- I am older (53). I was very late to realize what I liked and what turns me on. It took a long time to get here. A long time of suppressed feelings and wants. Being older and finding this out late in life makes me feel anxious about postponing or waiting. I feel a different biological clock ticking. I have good genes, but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to sustain the style of sex I want and have come to enjoy. Playing with a 35-year-old Dom, I’m not sure he sees my perspective all the time. He is craving kids and hears his biological clock ticking but for different reasons. It is complicated.
- I played for both teams because at some point my dislike or disinterest in sex made me think I preferred women. Thought I had answered all my questions. But I hadn’t. Something was still missing. After years of convincing myself, there was something wrong with me, I revisited my interest in Kink and BDSM. (I had shared my interest with a potential boyfriend after separating from an ex-husband. I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore, he violently raped me. The whole time saying, “this is what you said you liked!” After I escaped, and the ordeal was over, I put aside my interest in kink and had serious trust issues with sharing that part of me with anyone). I truly believe I have found my place so letting go of it now is difficult. Sex is fun now (when I have it) and my Dom is very good at knowing what I like and need. Although he is not in a good place right now, it is still something I want to hang on to. I know anyone who has been following this has probably been screaming at the screen for me to move on. But my current Dom was the first person I ever told about what happened to me. Even my family didn’t know. I went through the entire thing alone. Partially because I was embarrassed I let someone that close, and partially because back then, BDSM and Kink were way less excepted or understood. I knew that going public would destroy my family. So, I went through everything alone. The ordeal, the police reports, the court hearing, and trials. All of it alone. It wasn’t until I met my Dom that he made me feel safe enough to talk about it and share what I had been through. Then he helped me feel ok about wanting and liking what I do. Again, it is complicated. Finding someone to trust again is hard for me. But, maybe letting go of what I have discovered this far is harder.
Everything felt strange and new and exciting and scary… and then it went away. I usually run from some of the emotions I feel. I tend to be marinating in them with no way out. I picture what close to perfect will be, but I just can’t get there. Is it wrong to depend on sex and the kind of sex I like for the kind of relationship I want? Could I have the relationship I want and not care about sex again? So many questions. So hard to figure out alone.
Thoughts provoked by Loving BDSM