Do you know what your hard limits are?
In the beginning, I fell into the category of “I’m your sub, whatever you want I will try”. Specifically this was meant for in the bedroom. I’ve listened to podcasts and talked to a few people about this and I think it is interesting what “hard limit” means to people. It seems to be different depending on the person. Which is a good thing because we should set our own limits and boundaries, but I specifically mean the actual term “hard limit”. Some people see it as almost something to strive for which I find interesting.
To me, it means there is something that I will not entertain in any way shape or form. I am very clear on this and there is no waiver, no hesitation, no doubt. Just “no”. In the beginning, it was difficult for me to come up with anything until I actually started researching and looking into the different kind of kink and the fetishes. And, obviously, having open discussions about this with Daddy.
There was one time when Daddy asked to spit on his cock, pretty tame and wouldn’t seem to be an issue, but I had a response that scared him. It brought back some bad memories from a really horrible experience that I had placed in the back of mind to be forgotten. I legitimately crumbled into a ball on the floor and started sobbing. I was completely shocked by my reaction. We stopped everything immediately and he made me talk about what was happening. I was surprised by my reaction as much as he was. A few months later, we were casually talking about hard limits, limits in general, and I said, “I know I will have them, I just haven’t figured out what they are.” He looked at me with those dark eyes of his and said, “Spitting my Toy. Spitting is a hard limit for you.” We both kind of giggled about it because I had once again put that in a part of my brain to be forgotten. I found it interesting that something that seems so innocent as spitting has a label of the hard limit. It did make me realize that hard limits can come in all different ways for people. I have others that Daddy and I have talked about but they seemed more obvious to me and for me. Such a person-specific thing, it scares me that some people feel they do not have any hard limits.
Are there a few things you’d like to try but you’re a little nervous?
Yes! Pretty much anything new makes me nervous. I am always on the edge of wanting to make Daddy happy and the fear of saying no or using our safe word or codes. It is an excited nervousness but it still makes me think and re-think things.
I love impact play. I love having marks from our play. Welts, bruises, his hand print. All of it. I get very excited to try new ways and new toys. Daddy has many skills and wonderful things we have yet to try to I look forward to all of them. The one that makes me the most nervous to date is the whip. I trust him with everything in my body and on my body. Every time I see it I get excited. But…. There is that little voice in my head that says… “Ummm… where have you and for how long have you practiced using this thing with accuracy?” Actually, he and I haven’t discussed this because to date it hasn’t come up except when he mentioned getting a St. Andrews cross so he could strap me to it and whip me. I was instantly excited and willing to try (and it was a passing comment so didn’t lean itself to a conversation about limits at the moment) but my OCD about anything Daddy kicked in to overdrive and a million things went through my head. These, of course, all hit the notebook where I keep my questions and concerns for he and I to discuss when the time is right for us both. I’m sure there are others. That was the one big one that came to mind.
Thoughts provoked by Loving BDSM