Beyond the basic title of Dominant or Submissive, are there other titles you prefer or are interested in exploring?
Entering in this new type of relationship I had no idea how many layers and labels were out there. Submissive seemed to define me because I am just that submissive. After being around and through some reading I am learning of the different labels that are out there. I get conflicted at times but remind myself they are what and as they relate to me and my relationship and what they mean to me is not what they mean to others necessarily.
Daddy started calling me Toy (when I still called him only Sir) after we talked about him wanting a nickname for me. Toy was something we agreed on after discussing what it could mean. I am his. I am his plaything. I am his to use, etc. I liked the idea because at the time it seemed unique. It is unique to me as it is my name, but when I read some blogs and stories to others it makes you more of thing. “Useless toy”, “fuck toy”, etc. It bothered me at first, even though when Sir calls me his fuck toy, I like it. Toy is my name like Mary or Sally would be.
I struggle with labels because of my background in the normal arena of people with disabilities where labels were a bad thing. Usually demeaning and derogatory. So, I wasn’t immediately comfortable with applying one to myself in this realm. After research, and relaxing a bit of my political correctness, I reviewed some list and came up with my own list of labels that I was comfortable with.
Submissive – this defines me the most. I love to be of use and service. I really relate to being a service submissive. It isn’t just about what happens in the bedroom but making my Sir happy and comfortable and doing whatever I can to relieve his stress and make his life easier. Going forward, I feel I would more apt to identify myself as a service submissive.
Masochist – This one surprises me the most. I have started really looking into this and what kind of masochist I am. I am finding that everything can be broken down to the smallest degree, which can be both fun and interesting to confusing and frustrating. To name a few that immediately come to mind;
- Impact play – I am a crop whore! Crops, paddles, belts, flogging. We haven’t used whips or canes, but I am interested in them and curious. I love the marks and bruises I get from these things because they last longer, and I am reminded that Daddy was with me and used me. I love the marks and bruises so much that I am sad when I don’t have them.
- Compression play – I don’t know if this is a thing, but it relates (to me) to my breast. My nipples have little sensation, some but not much. I am jealous of those who have sensation there, but for me, they have never been a thing. Pinching, pulling, squeezing, twisting is a stinging sensation and I enjoy it, but having my full breast grabbed and squeezed is more of a turn on. Again, Daddy has left his handprint in bruises on my breast and there is nothing better.
- Bondage – Daddy and I have never done this, but we have talked about it. I was tied up once in a non-D/s relationship I found it very exciting.
Baby girl – This makes me giggle because I am a huge Criminal Minds fan and Derick and Garcia make this a cute and sexy thing. Looking at this separate from that, I love this title. I love the sentiment and the closeness of a relationship it speaks for. Daddy doesn’t call me this, but I do enjoy being considered that.
Little one – I like this too. Maybe it is because I have never been considered a little anything! I enjoy being childlike at times. I enjoy being taken care of. At times, I even enjoy being treated like a child. I seek the approval as a child does. I think sometimes I blend Baby girl and little one to make it my own. Daddy has a primary he calls Little One so as a label I shy away because it is her name. I think I may be a little jealous of that, but I can claim it as a label when I’m feeling that way.
Toy – Again, this is my name. So, to use it as a label is a little weird for me, but I am that to Daddy. I define it as there for him when he needs me and how he needs me. I just hope that on some days he wants to play with me as his toy the same way he enjoys his video games!
Are there any that turn you off or don’t seem like a good fit for you?
This gave me a lot to think about. While we are in the bedroom, Cunt, fuck toy, slut, seem sexy and hot. Outside the bedroom, not so much. When we are cuddling, and it is a soft whisper in my ear I like it. But outside of that, I don’t enjoy them. For example, if I am one room and Daddy is in the other and wants my attention, hollering “Slut” or “Cunt” to call me to him is not a turn on for me and may make me feel a certain way. Daddy doesn’t do that though. He tends to address me as “T” or “Toy” so I don’t know how it would make me feel. I love it when he calls me “T” when we are around others because it is acceptable for my name and no one knows when he calls me “T”, we both hear “Toy”.
Thoughts provoked by LovingBDSM.com