To be forgotten

I’ve come a long way with a lot of my stuff.  Some days are harder than others.  To be forgotten is the hardest feeling to process.  There have been two times that he has forgotten we had plans.  I know why.  He has always had a bad memory with some things.  He double books, he makes plans and then forgets he made them.  Most of these things would be going to something he really doesn’t want to do in the first place.  Large gatherings at a bar, or things that just aren’t his thing but he said he’d go with excitement and then when the time came he was too tired or something else came up that was more pressing.  Problem is, he wouldn’t contact and officially decline.  It is his way and something you accept if you are his friend.  I know this.  I understand this.  He has a lot of people pulling at him for his time, his help, his advice, his expertise.  His family is always calling for something.  I get it.

The first time he forgot we had plans, it was understandable.  He got tied up at work and then got him and got busy doing things and completely forgot he was supposed to call me.  I understood.  It still hurt, but I understood.

The second time he forgot we had plans, he went to his girlfriend’s house and hung out with her.  That one hurt.  I know my place but that doesn’t make it any better.  I wish he had called to say he couldn’t see me.

This time, it was a casual hang out with him and his girlfriend.  I knew he had a busy weekend and he was being nice by trying to see me Friday night if even for a brief time while they did things around the house.  I don’t mind helping with stuff.  I enjoy spending time with them.  But he didn’t call to give me a time or confirm or just say it wasn’t going to work.  I also haven’t heard from him today.

It is at times like this that I don’t know what to do.  Should I call and let him know I’m hurt?  Should I have called to remind him I was wanting to hang out? Should I have reached out today when I knew he was busy?  All questions I have asked myself after each time this has happened.

This isn’t just a sub thing.  It is an emotional thing that I am trying to wrap my head around.  I know he does this.  I didn’t really expect him to call about hanging out this weekend because of everything he had going on.  But I’m hurt.   I know its ego, but am I that easy to forget he made plans with?  I’d like to think he misses me and thinks about me, but if he forgets the opportunities he has to see me, that makes me feel like he doesn’t miss or think about me.  I know that simplifies it.  It is not simple, it is actually very complicated and I know that too.  But knowing the complications and whatever else may be happening, that doesn’t make it any easy to feel like I have been forgotten.

Just thoughts for the day/night.  Sorting as I’m typing.

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