There was a time when my alone time consisted of unhealthy foods and maybe even some alcohol. Mostly unhealthy foods and soda. Over the past three years, I have learned and worked on creating new ways to have alone time that are healthy and more emotionally supportive. I have also found ways to relieve my … Continue reading Day 17 – Alone Time
Nipples respond to so many things but usually in the same way. They perk up and push out to let you know they are responding. My nipples never use to talk to me. I barely knew they were there and they didn't bring me pleasure at all. It has taken time but now I … Continue reading Day 16 – Nipples
Birthdays can be difficult for me. It is rare that I walk around in my birthday suit on my birthday. This is because my birthday is in February and we usually have snow and cold weather. Today is chilly and windy so instead of my birthday day suit I had sweat pants and hoodie on. … Continue reading Day 15 – Birthdays
These little candied hearts are my favorite Valentine's Day candy. Valentine's Day has always been awkward for me. When I was younger it meant it was the one day my first day would shop by himself and buy my Mom, Sister and myself a small box of chocolate and a little stuffed animal. He hated … Continue reading Day 14 – Candied Hearts
I often hear the phrase, "it is black and white." Typically this means that whatever the subject up for discussion is clear. There is no misunderstanding and it is exactly what it appears to be. That's lovely to think there is such a thing but I call bullshit. Black and white as never been … Continue reading Day 13 – Black and White
There are many things that I try to pride myself on. it is and has always been clear to me that I am stronger inside than I am on the outside. I don't want or need to be the strongest woman around but my back and shoulders can handle a lot of things. Whether I'm … Continue reading Day 12 – Shoulders and back
I am the girl that when at yoga or working out when someone says core I say bu-buy! I have always hated working on my core. When I was younger and dancing all the time I didn't have to focus on it. I was also 15 years old and I hadn't had a kid or … Continue reading Day 11 – Core
After being cleared for stretching, reaching, and exercise by the doctor I am committed to doing as I was told. It has been two months since a surgical procedure and I haven't been able to do much at all. Reaching for anything, including my phone on the nightstand has been a challenge. So, when I … Continue reading Day 10 – Reaching
A new look is always fun and exciting. It could be a new dress, some fancy shoes, or just a new great pair of earrings. My new look is more permanent than that. I recently had a surgical procedure that changed how I look from the front. I am learning to embrace it but it … Continue reading Day 9 – New Look
I spend a lot of time focusing on my face these days. I'll be 55 this month and I have to admit I worry about the wrinkles. I have been told I look pretty good for 55 (or so I've been told) but between my own self-conscious body images and society telling me that at … Continue reading Day 8 – Wrinkles
Comfy can be sexy! I strongly believe this. I see a girl in jeans and a hoody barefoot and I think that is hot. I see a guy in sweat pants and a white T-shirt, the game is on! Don't get me wrong, I like lingerie and I think it can be comfy … Continue reading Day 6 – Comfy
This is the last of the blue outfit that I have fallen in love with after a year of not even seeing it. Again, I didn't edit a thing, that is daunting but a bit freeing as well. I like the vague vision of the line of my pussy and the scarce little hairs … Continue reading Day 5 – Last
Mistakes can be beautiful. We just have to get past the mistake and see the beauty. I have never been good at selfies and full body selfies have never been my favorite thing either. I was actually playing with the remote (it doesn't work very well) and this picture snapped off the camera. … Continue reading Day 4 – Mistakes
Ubuntu! I have spent much of the past few years feeling sad because the people I most trusted in my life betrayed me. Girlfriends, soul mates, my Dom, My ex-wife. There were so many that I allowed to treat me badly and never really saw what was happening. The betrayal and lies, the jokes and … Continue reading Ubuntu!
Lace always seemed itchy to me. Lace also always reminded me of my grandmother. She had all these lace doilies on her furniture. It was confusing because we couldn't but drinks on the furniture or the lace doilies. She put starch on them too so every time I touched them, they were hard and … Continue reading Day 3 – Blue lace
You have to stretch your body, mind, soul, and confidence. Each is just as important as the other. Stretching is not just limited to our bodies. I sit most of the day for work. I'm always told to stretch even if I am sitting in the chair. Stretch your arms up, twist to stretch your … Continue reading Day 2 – Stretching
Shadows aren't always scary things that hide the danger. Sometimes they are comforting, hiding what we are all afraid of. Sometimes they are hiding what we do not need to see. Maybe they hide things we don't want to face until the time comes that we can face them. Those things in good time … Continue reading Day 1 – Shadows
There are a lot of things that I enjoy that are used to cause pain. Those little red clothespins tho! Most of my kink and learning about what I like came from my first and last Dom. He was much more knowledgable and was also very good at introducing things slowly and carefully. I remember … Continue reading Those little red clothespins tho!
Zebra Rose There is something peaceful and intimate about laying naked on top of the covers and rediscovering yourself. Whether you are being introspective or going straight for physical satisfaction, taking those moments to be with yourself is critically important. There was a time when I didn't understand the importance of laying naked. I was … Continue reading Laying Naked
Public play has always been elusive to me. Part of this is because I am afraid of it. I am interested in it and at times have wished I had more courage or more confidence to experience it freely the way it should be. I know myself and know that I would be more worried … Continue reading Public Play
She was trying to downplay the excitement she had about their first overnight together. Two years of talking and quick lunches and dinners and then fucking but never had they slept in the same bad overnight with each other. Tonight was the night. This was not just coffee and sex. She wasn't sure she would … Continue reading Overnight!
Will you still watch me after I am gone? Will you try to see what I am doing, how I am doing? Will you track me through my blog or social media? Will you wonder if I do things the same way? When you would watch me before you would smile your wicked smile. … Continue reading Watch me
I have talked a lot about fear in many of my posts. When I saw this prompt from Erotic Journal Challenge I thought I had a post on this topic already so I ran through some past posts and couldn't find one dedicated to it. Interesting because it is the main theme running through my life. So … Continue reading Fear
As if my life hasn't presented me with enough decisions and in some way options, I have been grappling with something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I tend to tuck away my emotions most of the time and handle things on my own so this decision has been dwelling in … Continue reading Tuck
I swore I wasn't going to write about you anymore. I closed the door and locked it securely - or so I thought. But today, today hit me in the heart like a dagger. A feeling I thought I would never experience again. Sadly, I was wrong once again. Apparently, I will never … Continue reading Dagger
Breath play was new to me, as were most things outside my vanilla experiences. The first time he wrapped his fingers around my throat I wasn't sure what to expect. He just kept his hand there at first. Slowly he applied a little pressure, then a little more, then a little more. I was hooked. … Continue reading Breath play
All my life my favorite color was red! Perhaps that was a sign. Funny thing is, back in the day, girls were supposed to like pink and pastel colors and red was for whores. It wasn't a power color back then. I don't even remember when it changed or when I noticed it changed, but … Continue reading Red
For all the thrills we get from our kinks, impact play, bondage, suspension, there is also the lighter side we don't often hear as much about. Or perhaps it is that I don't talk about it as much, read about it as much or focus on it as much as I do the … Continue reading Tracing a Finger
Something spoke to me about this prompt "Authentic". I've been struggling to find my words. Struggling to find my thoughts and put them into words. Actually, struggling to find my thoughts or make sense of them. Authentic is something I have always strived to be. I wanted to be authentic, honest and true to myself … Continue reading Authentic
I can't remember the last time I posted anything or even what it was. It has been a rough few weeks when it comes to writing. Breaking through the block has always been tough for me. I never had a process to breaking through the block that I was aware of, I just starting writing … Continue reading Breaking Through the Block
Music was always important to her and that will never change. All of her life experiences she can relate back to a songs lyric. Fast and hard beating to get out her anger or slow and sad to match the bleeding of her broken heart. Her entire life could be written with the songs … Continue reading Another song
Body Love part 2. What parts of your lover’s body do you love the most? I love this because I think some of us (myself included) spend so much time focusing on ourselves that we forget to take time and focus on our lovers. What are their insecurities and what are their concerns about … Continue reading What I love
Surviving has been something I have done my entire life. Like most people. I am not unique in this quest. The quest for happiness and well being. The search and desire for a happy family, healthy children. The continued fight for good health and a strong body. Regardless of what our goals we all want … Continue reading Survive
Every now and then you cross my mind. I can be having a good day and fostering all my new relationships and goals and then all of a sudden, you are there. There doesn't have to be a trigger. I don't have to hear your name. There is no need for me to see … Continue reading Cross my mind
When you think about your body or body love, what’s the first word that comes to mind? Quite honestly, fat is the first word that comes to mind. Under clothes, I hide it well. Naked is a little harder to accept. I made huge strides during February Photofest 2019 in learning to accept my body … Continue reading Body Love
Over the past few years, my ability to love all and trust has been diminished to nothing. This makes me sad because I use to be a very trusting person. I trusted that people (most people) were honest and good and truly trying to be good people. Trying to be a good person myself, I … Continue reading Love all trust a few
I think and over think everything. I am getting worse in some areas and better in others but basically, I am constantly over thinking things and worrying about things. Sometimes I label it as processing. I do that when I want to justify the worry and overthinking. I get it honestly from my mother. When she … Continue reading Overthinking
I have never been someone who has migraines. Or so I thought. For the past few months, I have had nothing but headaches. Sometimes they are super noticeable and sometimes barely there. They have been constant, however. Today has been one of those days where it was constant and pretty painful. The usual dulling … Continue reading Headaches
Our sex is not constant or regular or something to count on. It is rare and random and last minute. We have labeled it "coffee and sex". He comes over in the morning and we share coffee and catch up on our lives. We lay on my bed talking about our kids, our stress points, … Continue reading Our sex
It is no secret that I am not good at letting go of the past. I do not have good skills at unpacking my baggage. The slightest things can take me back to the people, places, and things that have hurt me. I want to unpack. Practicing the process of unpacking all the emotions. Setting … Continue reading Unpacking
Double penetration is something that I fantasized about. In the porn I watch to get off there is usually some form of DP or gang sex represented. When I first started thinking about it I felt bad for admitting that it excited me. I wasn't sure if I wanted the experience with two men or … Continue reading Double Penetration
Someone asked me the other day, "How are you?". I never really know how to answer that question. Particularly of late, I don't know that I know the answer or could answer for that matter. My life for the past two years has been about finding my new normal. It seems like I am constantly … Continue reading I’m fine
I have made no secret of the fact that my favorite body part is my boobs! All credit goes to my surgeon. They are surgically perfect! The reduction I had was the best thing I have ever done. The man reason for that is - I can go braless! Something I was never able to … Continue reading Braless
Today was a no work day. In order to distract my mind from the lack of money being made today, I decided to be productive. I cut the lawn, trim around the house swept and blew the grass clippings and cleaned up around the patio. After that, I cleaned up the kitchen, gathered the recycling, … Continue reading Tan lines
This subject, as most of these subjects, is bittersweet for me. My gratitude runs deep with this. As I have mentioned before, I was very late in coming to find my sexual self. Very sheltered and not aware of what was out there, always thinking I was defective. Through my writings and directly to him … Continue reading Grateful
The past two days have been cloudy and gloomy. The rain started in the afternoon and was still falling. The mood of the day matched the feel of the house. Exhausted and mixed with emotions I fell into bed early even though I didn't have to be at work tomorrow. Normally I sleep with the … Continue reading Rain
Today was a little somber in our house as my daughter's girlfriend is leaving tomorrow. I wanted to keep busy and be productive while giving her space as she packed her things through cigarettes and tears. Then my daughter came home and the two of them went to visit a mutual friend so she … Continue reading Productive
Most of the mirrors in my house are pretty high. Some I hung myself (which is never a good thing) and some are standard and came with the house. My medicine cabinet in the bathroom is so high that I can truly only see my head and shoulders. (Again, not necessarily a bad thing). I … Continue reading Shoulders
It has been quite the weekend of an emotional roller coast. I met two babies and celebrated by friends engagement. Love of all kinds was in the air. I returned home Friday night to find that my daughter and her girlfriend were struggling. When I returned home Saturday night, they had broken up. Love hurts. … Continue reading Love hurts
I always look forward to Fridays. Whether I have the day off or have to work. I am seeing my friends baby tonight for the first time (he is four months, yes, I am a slacker). It is exciting because they have struggled and this is truly a good thing. I am also seeing a … Continue reading Fridays
Choosing myself has always been difficult for me. I learned after my childhood home caught fire when I was 15 that life is bigger than just me. I saw my family struggling and splitting apart and I stepped up to make sure that wouldn't happen. From that day, or at least from my memory, that … Continue reading Choosing myself
I've been a little off for a month or so. No real reason why that I can pinpoint but when I saw this week's prompt "twisted" it resonated with me that maybe that is a good description of how I have been feeling. On and off feeling good and sexy then bad and not sexy. Missing … Continue reading Twisted
I have been contacted through one of the sites that are geared to BDSM and kink by a Dom asking if I wanted to enter into a D/s relationship with him. This is a different approach for me. I have to be clear that the only D/s relationship I have been in was with my … Continue reading A different approach
Ugh! Where do I start on aging?? I am the proverbial teeter toter on this issue. First, it is just a number, right? 50 is the new 30? You are only as old as you feel? Sure, and I agree with all of that. But somedays I feel really fucking older than my biological age. Yes, … Continue reading Aging
Embarrassed – Have you ever been embarrassed to ask your partner for something sexually? Have you ever had an embarrassing sexual moment? Is there something about yourself you are embarrassed to show or share? Embarrassed then... I NEVER asked for what I wanted during sex. Until Daddy and I started our relationship I thought I … Continue reading Embarrassed
So... today is June Third! I read my post last night and I was clearly in a bad way. This morning isn't much better other than realizing how pathetic I sounded in my post. This morning, I woke up. That is a good thing. In the grand scheme of things a patio that refuses to … Continue reading June Third
The second day in June. It dawned on me when I realized that I hadn't written yet, that maybe #everydamndayinjune was just write anything. I made lists today. That was writing. Maybe it didn't mean blog every day or even think about working on the book? Then I realized I was making excuses. It isn't that … Continue reading June Second
June 1st. It will forever be known as the day after my daughters birthday. I never looked at it as the first day of the last half of the year. I have been a bit "off the grid" lately. I wish I could explain why but I just have been feeling off. I could list … Continue reading June it is!
This is another tough one for me. It goes back far into my childhood and I still struggle with friendships. I have learned over the years, and most recently the hardest lesson, those friendships are precious. Really good friendships are hard to come by. It is normal to have people come and go in your … Continue reading Friendships
I don't know that when I talk about my "turn-ons" it is a simple list. Being late in life finder of my sexuality that new things I have found I enjoy come to mind first. The kinky things! Impact play, submission, candle play, etc. Even that list is an ever-evolving one. However, I think there … Continue reading Turn-Ons
I was feeling the need for a little boobday fun! I haven't been feeling so sexy and since the last time I was showing my boobs and feeling sexy, I was at Eroticon. Hoping to pull some of that back! This picture is one of my out takes from February Photofest. I didn't use it … Continue reading A little Boobday fun!
The corner of my dining room is where I keep my alcohol. Dusting the other day I looked up and realized that each of these bottles has a direct connection with people I have fallen in love with. I was never a big drinker and actually, still, I am not. I enjoy a good drink but … Continue reading Spilled Liquor
When Does It Matter to Mention the Unmentionable? When I saw this prompt I wanted to write something sexy and wonderful, but the term unmentionable brought a different thought process for me. Sexy didn't come to mind, so I am writing about what did. I haven't been writing a lot for multiple reasons. Mostly because … Continue reading Unmentionable
A relationship with hair sounds weird, right? We as humans have all kinds of different relationships. While they are normally thought of between other humans or our furry and scaly pets, we can have relationships with inanimate objects as well. At least I do. Normal? Well, normal is relative after all. Growing up I always … Continue reading A Relationship with Hair
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I think about this alot, in all aspects of life. What if I had three wishes for finance, happiness, for myself or for my friends and family. Never eing one for "bucket lists" or even wishing. Learning early on that wishing rarely works without a lot of … Continue reading I wish…
Connecting emotions one breath at a time. I have always been big on letters. Perhaps it is the writer in me, I always find it easier to express myself in writing letters, poems, songs, and now I guess even blogs and books. I have many things to say to my Ex, but as I … Continue reading A letter of thanks from the light you brought out in me.
Good Girl! I haven't heard these words in a while. Good Girl. Quite a while actually and I miss it. I miss hearing the words whispered in my ear or sent in a text. Two little words that show so much. They show that I have done something to please someone. That I … Continue reading Good Girl
It has taken some time to get my thoughts together for this post. I started it several times, and it was a draft in my folder. looming and waiting for publishing. Eroticon 2019 was my first conference. It was more than just a conference. Perhaps that is why I was struggling to publish anything about … Continue reading Eroticon 2019!
The tantrum brewing in silence came as a surprise. She sat silent. Staring at the phone. His texts. His words, his thoughts, his decision. She sat on her couch, legs tucked under her, coffee on the end table going cold, television in the distance with another rerun of Law and Order SVU. It was warm … Continue reading Tantrum
I have a lot to say about Eroticon 2019 and the amazing experience that it was. One of the highlights and a great way to finish off the weekend was the Eroticon Boob photo! Hyacinth, who has made boobs extra special with her Boobday meme that she runs on A Dissolute Life Means had the amazing idea … Continue reading Eroticon Boobs!!
The power of him is transferred through me... Driving in the car, both of our arms on the middle console sometimes he will he reach for my hand. When he does the power of him is transferred through me with tingles on all of my nerve endings. He says nothing when he makes this gesture, it … Continue reading The Power of the Touch of His Hand
I will start by saying that I can't express how excited (and nervous) I am about Eroticon! It was a very impulsive decision to register, gather the funds for travel and hotel, and take the time off work, even though I thought about it for months! The impulse came after reading everyone else talk about … Continue reading Eroticon UK 2019 – Virtual Meet and Great!
The last day of February Photofest 2019. This was an amazing experience for me. I have to admit I was terrified and had no idea if I would survive, or even finish it. I wouldn't have seen this through the 28 days without the support of this amazing community! More than the experience of … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 28!
February Photofest shows my curves! Curves... carefully disguised but I know they are there. I'm kind of liking the curve of my ass in this picture though! I have to laugh at this because I took a million pictures in this corset. I love it. The other half is black. My two favorite colors … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 27 – Curves
February Photofest 2019 - Day 26. No filter... even decided NOT to crop out those little rolls of what is that... Thigh spread? My ass pushing away from the mattress? Hmmm, I really don't care. I love this bodysuit and I NEVER get a chance to wear it. It is soft and comfy … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 26 – No Filter
Fear Everything is just fine, she smiles. At work, she maintains her professional status, arriving on time and making every meeting and deadline. At home, she cooks and cleans and takes care of her family. She smiles and chats with the neighbors. She pays her bills when she can, she works extra if she has to … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 25
Bottom line, I love my comfy clothes. I spent some time tonight taking some pictures for the remainder of February Photofest 2019. I pulled out some corsets and some outfits that I have to get in some kind of mood other than the one I was in. It has been a day and I'm just … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 24-comfy clothes
There was a lot of discussion about photos that we post and how they are viewed, porn or art. This is something that has always been a question in my mind. After ready Molly Moore's - My cunt is art post and also Brigit Delaney's - My most naked reflection I was moved and inspired to post my … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 23
The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever. - Jacques Cousteau February Photofest happens in a cold month. A girl can dream! Stretched on a blanket with the sun on my face and the warmth of the breeze from the sea I imagined you with me. … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – The sea
Taking pictures of myself for February Photofest 2019 has been fun and challenging and has for the past 21 days had me thinking or rethinking my perspective on my body and my sensuality. Today, I couldn't post anything I had taken because they all seemed too revealing, or I wasn't comfortable with what I … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 21
After my break up in early August, I was lost. Few breakups leave you feeling great but when you were not the one that wanted the change, it is incredibly difficult. I have written about it, tried to verbalize it many times and I still feel like I haven't quite articulated how it … Continue reading “So, what are you in to?” (Part 1)
Find part one here - So What Are You In To - Part 1 It is such a casual question. What are you in to? I'm from the country so we don't worry so much about grammar when we are chatting. That question could apply to anything from food to hobbies, but I instantly knew … Continue reading “So what are you into?” (Part 2)
New Years and birthdays tend to be the days we evaluate or re-evaluate our shit. Life, love, relationships, family, work, profession, hobbies, plans, parenting, future, etc. We set goals that may or may not be obtained, work toward something in some way to make those goals happen or at least get closer to them. Making … Continue reading Self-Care and All That Stuff
I have made no secret that I am not a fan of my middle section. The rolls when I am naked and trying to hide them with clothes and the side view... all of it. I had always wanted that flat gorgeous stomach with a belly ring that dangled and drew the eyes to my middle … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 18
In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude. One must overcome the fear of being alone. Rollo May Click the kiss below to see amazing photos from other folks! Sinful Sunday
Coming in just under the wire with this one. It has been a crazy day today. I remember a lot of talk about comfy socks so I picked this picture to share. I truly love hanging out at home naked. If I can't be naked, I'm usually bundled up in sweat pants and … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 16 Comfy socks
Today is my birthday. I've never been a fan of being the center of attention. I prefer to make others my focus. Focus on me always made me anxious. Which seems strange to me now as I am posting pictures of myself more than just … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 15
Redemption over ice Redemption, in his whiskey and in his soul! Click the kiss to see more photos by amazing folks!
There have been few times in my life when I have felt sexy. This was one of those times. I did a photo shoot with Daddy's bike because I wanted to give him something for his birthday (2/13 and Valentines Day (2/14). I thought photos with the bike (his pride and joy) would be a … Continue reading Sexy
Today is your birthday. For all the years I knew you, you hated this day. You couldn't understand why people made such a big deal over their birthdays. We both know it always made you think of the one that got away. She always reaches out on your birthday, and while it was nice … Continue reading Happy Birthday, Daddy
Of all the things I struggle to let go of, my guilt for my bad decisions in my life is one of them. The people my decisions hurt or confused, the consequences my decisions brought to me and others, all boils down to me dealing with my guilt. Last night I had a tough conversation … Continue reading Guilt
I don't love everything about my body, but I can and do (at times) like how parts of my body look in certain things or on certain days. Some days I think I'm rocking the whole package and some days I can't find one strand of hair that I'm happy with. My calves and … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 12 Shoes
Feeling pretty in coral roses! Sometimes it is the little things that have you feeling pretty! Pretty shoes, pretty clothes, or nothing at all and a few little coral roses to make you feel just a little more pretty. Perhaps even a little sexy too! I think we all find our sexy in … Continue reading Feeling Pretty
Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands! Although it isn't at all the same as having it done to me, I have to admit I enjoyed feeling the familiar sting and seeing the marks I was able to make. This was new to me. This Delrin Cane actually lends itself to self-use, … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 10
This picture was one I took to show him the marks that he left on me. We joked about this being the trifecta! He used a belt, a crop and the paddle he made. I love that you can tell the crop marks and they stand out the most. He knew it was … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 9
One of the things I loved most about being with Sir/Daddy was the marks! From the smallest bruise to his most beautiful handprint, I loved that he left his mark on me. Marks made me feel so good when a couple of days later, I still had traces of him on my body. This … Continue reading Marks
I was reminded of this photo when I read 15 Things I Used to Believe about BDSM and D/s from Lovingbdsm.kaylalords.com. I still consider myself a newbie in the D/s relationship realm. My Sir was very good at helping to educate me and I learned a lot from him. He enlightened me and corrected many of my … Continue reading Dream Play Room
I have never liked the view from behind me. I had an ongoing joke with my best friend growing up when we would go into the dressing room to try on clothes, she would always say, "It looks good from behind." Whether it did or didn't she always said it did because she knew how … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 7
An oldie but I think a goodie! This picture was the inspiration for my guest post story on Kaylalords.com This was one of the first pictures that Sir ever took of me while we were together. (We have one picture of us together that is suitable for all audiences. Funny enough, we are drinking coffee!). This … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 6
For years I struggled with my breasts. They were always big and I was teased relentlessly in school because of it. I started having back and shoulder issues and the doctor suggested a reduction. I was thrilled! Even more so because my insurance was going to pay for it. I was in my late … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 5
Photofest fail! Sunday night feels! I really don't mind my day job. Lately, it has been slow and has given me more time to write and organize and plan. Last night, I was tired, a little down, and just not feeling the work week starting tomorrow. Maybe it is the warmer weather. I want some … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 4
I truly love a bath. Although the thought of taking one is nice, it is often more work than I would like. If you add oil, bubbles, or one of those bath bomb things, it is also a mess to clean up after. That being said, I still love them. There is something about … Continue reading February Photofest 2019 – Day 3
I may have created a monster! I told my daughter and her girlfriend about the Photofest and they were very excited and happy for me that I was taking this leap of courage. So, I asked them to help with some of the photos so they won't all be selfies. Today, we did … Continue reading Photo shoot
I love watching him shower. There is something so personal about watching someone bathe. I sat on the floor and watched as he went through his normal ritual and routines. He is so at ease with me watching and I remember thinking that I would feel self-conscious if someone was watching me as intently … Continue reading Watching Him Shower
This is slightly terrifying. Hoping it gets easier as the days move forward... I have always hated pictures of myself. For all the good things I see, I see a thousand things to pick apart and criticize. I almost bailed on this commitment because I couldn't take a picture or find a picture that … Continue reading Slightly terrifying
Celibacy, to me, has always meant an intentional decision to not engage in sex. In my past, I never thought about masturbating so that never entered into my thought process. To say I was guarded, sheltered and not in the know about sex, would be putting it mildly. I don't blame anyone for this, it just … Continue reading Celibacy – Wicked Wednesday
Toy's toy review premier! Introducing the Satisfyer Pro Penguin. I was excited about this toy. The Satisfyer Pro Penguin is an oral stimulator. Applied to the clit the Satisfyer Pro Penguin vibrates and adds light suction with 11 different alternatives of vibration. I have never tried anything like this before so I was interested … Continue reading Satisfyer Pro Penguin
When I began this journey it was at the encouragement of my Dom at the time. I knew what to write. I would write about our stories and our experiences. Anyone who has followed me knows that ended badly and sadly. The loss of him has been devastating, but also liberating in some strange way. … Continue reading What to Write
So yesterday, I did a thing... I bought my ticket for Eroticon 2019!! Eroticon has been on my mind for months. I have been thinking, processing, analyzing, financially scrutinizing, and managing my anxiety over traveling alone abroad for months. Finally, just bit the bullet and bought the ticket. Could not be more excited, and also … Continue reading Eroticon 2019
I could not be any more excited to be a guest blogger on Kaylalords.com! My story, The Office, is a true story and one of my favorite times spent with Daddy! Being a new blogger and new to the kinky community I am always overwhelmed by how welcoming and supportive everyone is. It means a lot … Continue reading The Office
Every weekend she makes sure she takes time to enjoy the outdoors. She had a path she normally takes in the local park in her neighborhood. Life gets so busy with the multiple responsibilities and obligations, that she promises herself the time to get outside and clear her head. The path she normally takes was … Continue reading A Walk in the Woods
It's Tuesday. It is almost time to log in. Every Tuesday she logs in and waits for the phone to ring so she can start her part-time job. She never would have imagined even three years ago she would be doing this kind of part-time job. Looking for a remote typing job and complaining to a friend … Continue reading A Twist on Phone Sex
I haven't liked Christmas for quite a while now. It is a long story, some I have written about and some I haven't. Tonight, I spent the evening with my Mom, as she navigated through the first Christmas Eve without my Step Dad. She is strong, positive, forward thinking and looking, and concerned that everyone … Continue reading Christmas thoughts
He hated haunted houses. How on earth did he get roped into this night? It is their bi-monthly gathering and unfortunately, his friends had found a haunted house that was open in December. What happened to the plan for a few drinks at a bar with old Christmas music, or maybe a piano bar? Was he … Continue reading The Haunted House with the Room of Fog
Ugh! The gym. Why is something that is supposed to be good for you such a chore? She has heard that if you do something for 30 days it becomes a habit. She can eat pizza every day for 30 days, instant habit. She has been going to the gym for over six months, not … Continue reading Why is something that is suppose to be good for you such a chore?
The conference had been long in a hotel with the air conditioner wars in each room. Then the drive home was in a car without air condition at all. Rolling the windows down brought swirling hot air that did little to help. It didn't feel like Christmas. It was hot and humid and sticky. She normally … Continue reading It Didn’t Feel Like Christmas
As the holidays approach it brings back all the feelings of loss. The loss of my Dad in March and the loss of my relationship in August. When would I ever feel ok again? Two very different relationships but the pain is shared and intertwined as this hateful year heads toward a close. Every day … Continue reading When?
He is nice. He is quiet. He has a cute, hidden sense of humor that comes out only after you know him. She likes this. He loves dogs, has two of them. He takes his dogs everywhere with him. She likes this. He spends a lot of time with his family. Visits his parents and … Continue reading She likes this… She doesn’t like this.
So this is more of a venting blog than anything else. So be warned, I'm grippy! Doctors shouldn't feel awkward. I've been sick this past week. I have managed to live to 53 without experiencing a UTI. I have had irritational bladder issues after surgeries and childbirth. That burning feeling from having a catheter … Continue reading Doctors feeling awkward.
I have experienced sex without consent. Looking back now, more times than I care to remember. My first sexual experience was with a boy that I barely knew. We went to the bedroom and were just going to "mess around". He was just going to "finger" me. He wasn't going to do anything I didn't … Continue reading Consent
She entered the store more frustrated then she wanted to me. She had driven all the way home to realize the security tag was still on the blouse she bought for an event that night. Knowing that returning the blouse meant the relaxing afternoon of a warm bath and slow "getting ready process" was out … Continue reading She Didn’t Care
It had been a long two weeks. The death of her father was unexpected. No death is ever easy even when it is anticipated. This one hit hard. Her mother had buried her first father after a heart attack and now her second husband dies the same way. Making sense of it was not possible. … Continue reading Sorry for your Loss
Coming from me this may sound weird. It feels a little weird too. I have never been dominant in anything. That isn't to say that someday I won't be, but for now, it just isn't me. So the Dom side of things has been something that I have been researching and reading about to get … Continue reading Out of Dom Space
When I started this blog I wasn't sure what I wanted it to be. I knew I wanted to start getting my writing out there, somewhere but wasn't sure what to do with it. It was a previous Dom that suggested I write smutty things. He knew I loved to write about all different things. … Continue reading Influence from other blogs, podcasts, books, etc.
I had another post planned for today. I have a list of things that I want to write about but the writing didn't come easy this weekend. I had planned to write all day yesterday but Saturday brought some emotional baggage that pretty much crippled me. I was in bed for most of yesterday. It … Continue reading Unexpected Love Note
She stared at the screen. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No thoughts. No ideas. Blocked. Nothing. The hum of the neighborhood activity was subtle but noticeable. Maybe that was the problem. She walked across the room and switched on the fan. It wasn't warm inside. It was the perfect temperature. October finally brought the cooler weather. The … Continue reading Blocked
As soon as I think I have an original thought or question, my BDSM community comes to show me I am not alone. Others are struggling and dealing with some of the same issues. I am not blazing any trails. I am grateful for that! Loving BDSM podcast with Kayla Lords and John Brownstone never cease to … Continue reading Single and Submissive
Sometimes it is a statement that you hear randomly throughout the day. Sometimes, it is an original thought. Today, it was a song lyric. Driving to a wedding that I was very happy about but still sad and maybe even a little bitter at my own situation, I had the radio low. Through the traffic … Continue reading I’m in love with your potential
via Community, Cliques and Making Friends. This is an amazing read. Much of how I felt when I started blogging was that I wasn't worthy of association with these authors that push the limits and write about consensual, kinky, sex in ways I thought I could only imagine. There are community, cliques and making … Continue reading Community, Cliques and Making Friends
September 2018 What matters most. It is the hardest thing for me to determine. This month has been one of the hardest ever. In my journey to the new me and also the real me, I have had a mentor, friend, and guide. He was also my Dom, my Sir, my Daddy. Started with … Continue reading What Matters Most
Last week, she learned the guy she was talking to has a girlfriend. They aren't serious so it is OK. She was honest with him and requested the same. Refreshingly, he was honest as well. She said she wasn't seeing anyone else and had stopped all the silly dating apps because they were getting along … Continue reading Open or Not?
The rain had finally stopped. Three long days of nothing but rain. The basement was a river. The yard, a mess. The house hot and muggy. The window air conditioner units couldn't keep up with the humid air that the rain had brought. She stepped outside on the front porch. It was muggy and humid, … Continue reading The Front Porch
There are many things that I love about BDSM and the different Kinks I have been exposed to thus far. I, surprisingly to myself, enjoy impact play most thus far. I never thought that I would. I have always hated being hit. In my past a cute tap on the ass as I was walking … Continue reading His Hand Print
I struggle with the title "mature". I don't feel old, so calling myself old doesn't feel right. Calling myself mature reminds me of how people explain women that are older so basically the same thing. It sucks really. I am in my early 50's. They say that 50 is the new 40 but to be … Continue reading Mature women like sex too!
This concept has always confused me. I could never understand why anyone, male or female, would consent to be humiliated. This is not a judgment. It is a personal feeling. All my life I have been made fun of. I was too fat, to short, the ugly friend. I was in six grade with braces … Continue reading Humiliation
Much like I constantly redecorate the rooms in my house and clean like crazy when I have a lot of stuff going on and running through my mind, I decided to clean up the blog... which resulted in changing everything. I've thought a lot about the name on this blog. I created it with Sir … Continue reading New Look
I have always admired those people (men and women of any orientation) that can feel sexy on demand. I use to think it was easy for some, most actually, but time has taught me that this isn't so. Sometimes as a submissive others say the struggle when their Dom is requesting something sexy. I never … Continue reading Force sexy
I was at work today and had all these cool, sexy thoughts going through my brain. Lately, I have had very little thoughts that were anything other depressing and sad. I stopped writing because I was starting to annoy myself with the sadness. But today was different. They weren't thoughts of my past experiences with … Continue reading Pen and paper
She slowly accepted the truth. What she thought was the truth, guessed to be the truth. He said to move on that he was done. She is a follower of rules. His rules. She always followed and obeyed his wishes. This would not be any different. She responded to a text from someone who was … Continue reading This would not be any Different
If you’re a parent, today is a day to think about how you make your D/s work while raising kids. And if you’re not a parent yet, imagine how you might handle things if you have children. This is funny to me. When my daughter was growing up I was very vanilla. Her dad and … Continue reading Parenting – How do you make your D/s work while raising kids?
Can you think of tasks or rituals you already have or some you think you’d like to have that could be incorporated in a current or future D/s relationship? In my future D/s relationship I do want tasks and rituals. I am that type of person. I want to know what is expected and when … Continue reading Tasks and Rituals
Do you want to go to 24/7 at some point? I have always thought that I did. Now I am not so sure. Why or why not? My one and only experience in D/s was long distance and under cover of sorts. I enjoyed the idea of things, but I am not sure I would … Continue reading D/s 24/7?
This was today's thought-provoking email. I don't know how to respond to this one. On Monday, my Sir told me we were through. I made a mistake. A big one. He responded with the heat and temper I had witnessed but it was never directed at me. Through text, he told me I was manipulative … Continue reading When a D/s relationship ends…
Have you ever felt a drop after kinky play? I have. We didn’t have huge long scenes often. Our timing was difficult. I remember the scene and I remember being so focused on my body. More so than ever before. I wasn’t worried about the way my body looked, the fat moving around, none of … Continue reading D/s Drop
You might have never heard of sub frenzy and still experienced it whether as the submissive or a Dominant. It’s a moment that happens for new submissives or submissives in new relationships where they get a little intense about their submission, sometimes to the detriment of their own safety. It can be overwhelming in healthy … Continue reading Sub Frenzy
What do you think? Does it sound deliciously sexy? Sexually availability was never a struggle for me. In my situation, I was always ready for sex or play. Looking back now I thought that was part of being submissive. I wanted to be available whenever he needed me. It was exciting. I was always … Continue reading Sexual Availability
Orgasm control encompasses a lot of different play. I never really thought about orgasm control as a thing. New to all of this, I was just happy when I did have an orgasm. I do not orgasm easily. I get in my head and all the crazy things go through my head. What do I … Continue reading Orgasm control
Have you ever considered D/s without a sexual component? Woah! Nope! Admittedly, with sex is the only D/s I have known or heard about, but recent research has shown there is more to it than the norm. (Go figure). Although with my current situation it feels like D/s with no sex and most of the … Continue reading D/s without sex??
Have you done it in the past? I haven’t done this… yet. I have an interest, but it is something I have not tried and would be nervous about going alone. I don’t have any other friends that are into BDSM (that I know of). It is always such a taboo discussion item. Some are … Continue reading Community Involvement
Does it surprise you that you might not maintain the same level of D/s during the stressful times? No, this doesn’t surprise me at all. It is where I am in my situation right now. I don’t think this is unique to a D/s relationship. Many times, when things are stressful all parts of any … Continue reading Stressful Times
Long distance relationships, trips without your partner, simply not living together - it all adds up to one thing: being D/s even when you’re not together. The solution you find for your relationship will be specific to you and to your circumstances, but if you’re already living through a long-distance relationship or you think you … Continue reading Long Distance Relationships
Some rules determine behavior in public, others are about private behavior. Some rules may be more common but there’s no right or wrong here. Do you know what kind of rules you may want or need in your relationship? I think about this a lot. My D/s relationship is technically long distance so time is … Continue reading Rules
As a submissive, would you consent to a painful spanking as punishment? Yes, I would and do. It is interesting to me and surprising as well. When Daddy and I first started talking about moving forward with our D/s relationship we talked A Lot about what I thought it was and what I wanted. I … Continue reading Spanking as punishment?
How did you introduce D/s into your vanilla relationship? What worked and what didn’t? Ugh! Let’s start with what didn’t. My first long-term relationship was with my now ex-husband. We never talked about sex, we never communicated what was good and what wasn’t. We never really joked around or teased each other and there was … Continue reading Introducing D/s into your vanilla relationship
What does consent mean to you? Consent is something that allows you to feel comfortable in any situation. Consent is also fluid. Even with the best laid out plans, you can get to a point where your original consent is no longer comfortable or feels safe. I was always worried about consenting to something and … Continue reading Consent
What is your safe word? Daddy and I never really talked about safe words specifically. It took a long time before we were intimate and even longer before we did anything kinky. Having said that, he is a big supporter of them and believes they have a place and are important. He is very skilled … Continue reading Safe words
Do you know what your hard limits are? In the beginning, I fell into the category of “I’m your sub, whatever you want I will try”. Specifically this was meant for in the bedroom. I’ve listened to podcasts and talked to a few people about this and I think it is interesting what “hard limit” … Continue reading Limits
How do you handle negative emotions like anger, jealousy, and fear now? My past four years have been nothing but negative emotions honestly. My daughter’s addiction to heroin was revealed in December of 2014. 2015, getting her clean. 2016, keeping her clean and healthy. 2017, still working on getting my daughter on track, the end … Continue reading Negative Emotions
What is your communication style? Ugh! I am a “talker outer.” I want to talk about it, dissect it, rationalize it, justify it, from all perspectives. This is great if you're dealing with someone who is the same. I am a good listener. I believe listening is crucial and to listen carefully before you respond. … Continue reading Communication
How do you handle conflict now? Conflict is extremely difficult for me. I go back to my always wanting to make everyone happy and never wanting people to struggle, and feeling bad if I can’t fix things. So, conflict with me as a participant in the conflict is extremely difficult. I struggle. I will typically … Continue reading Handling Conflict
As a submissive, are you willing to allow a Dominant to discipline or punish you in your relationship? Yes, I am willing. At the beginning of this journey, this always puzzled me. I was learning what I liked and didn’t like a little at a time. It was a long process because it was part-time. … Continue reading Punishments, yes or no?
It is hard keeping my mind busy and occupied. I was asked to be patient and left with a long hug and gentle touches. So patient I will be. Why is it the hardest things to do are the things you must do. I want my mind to keep busy. I want my body to … Continue reading While patience is needed
This is interesting for me to think about. I rarely negotiate. I usually go along with the flow and try not to make waves. This comes from my need to make people happy and my fear and disdain of confrontation. When things come up where decisions are to be made I am usually comfortable with … Continue reading Negotiation
Beyond the basic title of Dominant or Submissive, are there other titles you prefer or are interested in exploring? Entering in this new type of relationship I had no idea how many layers and labels were out there. Submissive seemed to define me because I am just that submissive. After being around and through some … Continue reading Labels
What do you say when someone says that to you. I stare into his gorgeous face wrecked with seriousness and sadness. I'm scared to speak as the tears sting my eyes and my chest tightens. Ruined me? How could he think that? Because I'm sad about our situation and struggling with the distance? He looks … Continue reading I fear I have ruined you…
Does a submissive have certain Behaviors? Speaking for myself, I have specific behaviors that I now categorize as submissive but this was a late realization. I want to do for people. Make people happy, comfortable, have less stress in their life. I have always been the one to offer to help and rarely understand … Continue reading Submissive
Being submissive was a subtle realization. It started with the realization that I didn’t like sex. I swore it must be something wrong with me because anyone I talked to was having great sex. Couldn’t wait to have sex. I was at the point where I could take it or leave it I usually chose … Continue reading What does Dominance mean to me?
There are a few times that I have the opportunity to watch him sleep. We take advantage of when we can and I am always more grateful than words can express when I get to lay next to him and wake up with him in the morning. In past relationships, there was always a routine. … Continue reading Watching Him Sleep